Look, just for the sake of an argument, Manchester United are going to win the double. No, they aren’t. Yes, they are. I’ve told you once, no, you haven’t. Strange-condition schizophrenia, but football is rife with it.
We all know Chelsea, backed by Roman Abramovich’s millions, are an uncatchable nine points clear of Alex Ferguson’s revived United and two points further ahead of Arsenal, with nine games to play. And they’re pushing forward on all fronts, with the League Cup final and Champions League to come after the weekend’s FA Cup fifth-round action.
But as I said on Sky on Sunday, I believe the return of Dutch ace Ruud van Nistelrooy might just tighten things up, might just make Manchester United contenders on three of those four fronts.
It’s a bit of a mission improbable, but that’s where the schizo comes in: we have to believe there’s hope in sports journalism or we will all fall asleep.
Every week we hope to see the millionaire Blues stumble, but that idiot James Beattie ruined it on Saturday, getting sent off for those two silly running headbutts on William Gallas. Even the current generation of blind referees spotted it after just eight minutes. Off went the £6-million man, who has been fined £60 000 for his goat-like antics, leaving Chelsea to wrap up their customary 1-0 win.
The headlines were cracking: ”Nutter”, ”Is this Britain’s most stupid footballer?”, and the likes.
So, Chelsea were gifted three points, now it’s the knockout stuff. They go to Newcastle on Sunday seeking a place in the last eight of the FA Cup. Thank God Craig Bellamy’s gone, or we’d have a repeat in Toon. They’re quoting odds of 20-1 on the mad Welshman getting sent off on his Celtic debut against Rangers in Sunday’s Old Firm Derby … get on it!
But Newcastle might just manage a draw against Chelski at St James’s Park, causing further congestion in the already-packed Stamford Bridge schedule.
And United are ready to welcome a fresh Van Nistelrooy back in to a side already starting to look like they’re playing at something like their peak again after Sunday’s 2-0 win over local rivals City, who held Chelsea at bay the week before.
It’s United who face Everton this week (hopefully Beattie will wear one of those amateur boxing headguards to prevent further brain damage) with Ferguson saying of his 28-year-old Van Nistelrooy: ”Ruud went straight in to training this week; we’ll see how he goes.
”It will all depend on what happens on the training pitch. If he comes through he may be on the bench. I’m pleased with my options now, we’re finally back to where we want to be with our strikers.”
Van the man got 20 goals last season; nobody else made double figures at Old Trafford. This year, he managed four in the Premiership before the Achilles injury forced him to spend a month at home in The Netherlands convalescing.
But, ahead of him, Paul Scholes has eight, Wayne Rooney seven with Ryan Giggs and Alan Smith five each.
Fergie, finally able to find a subject that steers him clear of Arsène Wenger and takeover king Malcolm Glazer, says: ”I always think a good team should have goals coming from all positions and that is what we have had this season.”
He’s right. With Giggs and Scholes on fire, Roy Keane back to his best and Van Nistelrooy back, not to mention the talents of Cristiano Ronaldo, Louis Saha and the excellent Gary Neville (honest!), United really can threaten Chelsea in the FA Cup and perhaps even the Premiership. And I think their experience in Europe will give them the edge over a soon-to-be-exhausted Chelsea in the Champions League.
It’s just an argument (won’t mention goalkeepers); just a hope that money can’t buy glory. But this could just be United’s year. No it won’t, yes it will …
Arsenal vs Sheffield United
Sheffield United just scraped past West Ham with one of the worst penalty shoot-outs in living memory. Still, they remain an impressive team of cup fighters, worthy of a small punt if Arsenal hadn’t demolished Crystal Palace 5-1 on Monday night. With José Reyes playing well enough to kiss the badge after promising Spanish radio listeners he was keen on Real Madrid and Thierry Henry sparkling, surely it has to be Gunderful? Question is, will they field any Englishmen after that first-ever all-foreign squad on Monday?
Verdict: Arsenal 4 Sheff United 0
Bolton vs Fulham
Sam Allardyce’s Wanderers remain unbeaten in seven after the 0-0 draw with Middlesbrough last Saturday, while Fulham produced a strong extra-time performance to triumph 4-2 against dangerous Derby in the cup replay on the same day. Two sides both in reasonable form, but it’s Bolton who have the panache, the cup pedigree and might just be worth a little bet.
Verdict: Bolton 1 Fulham 0
Charlton vs Leicester
Leicester failed 2-1 at Ipswich last weekend and continue to underperform in the first division. They won’t go down but they certainly aren’t going up. Charlton are at eight in the Premiership, chasing Europe. Should be a foregone conclusion. The Addicks grabbed an impressive point at Newcastle last time out and perhaps, just perhaps, Dennis Rommedahl can finally get in some sort of form. He’s certainly got the pace.
Verdict: Charlton 2 Leicester 1
Everton vs Man United
Who knows what Everton might have done with 11 players last week after the madness of James Beattie? United are in better form than the Blues right now and with Van Nistelrooy nearly over that ankle injury after a month where Ferguson’s side have generally looked good, David Moyes must fear the cup run has come to an end. But they’re resilient enough to make it last for one more replay.
Verdict: Everton 1 Man United 1
Saints vs Brentford
The battle of the men in red and white stripes will not go to the Premiership’s Southampton. Brentford under Martin Allen are highly motivated and far from a cup pushover, despite reaching the fifth round for the first time since 1989. Allen is promising to swim in the Solent before the game, but it’s Harry Redknapp who will have cold feet. He’d probably prefer to concentrate on the survival fight in the Premiership, anyway.
Verdict: Southampton 2 Brentford 3
Burnley vs Blackburn
This could be a shocker too, with Burnley living on the glory of their win over Liverpool in the previous round. Blackburn fight hard, possibly too hard, under Mark Hughes in the Premiership but, like Southampton, they are in trouble at the bottom of the table. They may be distracted, and Rovers only function on full power.
Verdict: Burnley 1 Blackburn 0
Newcastle vs Chelsea
Game of the round, with the FA Cup the only real way ahead for Graeme Souness’s troubled Toon. The canny Scot knows the St James’ Park crowd are ready to turn on him — but a day out at the Millennium stadium might help. Chelsea? I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: they have to let go of one of four trophies and this one’s the likeliest. No Arjen Robben to turn on the magic and they’ll probably fiddle with that impregnable defence.
Verdict: Newcastle 2 Chelsea 0
Spurs vs Notts Forest
Spurs were brilliant in the second half against West Brom. Did I say brilliant? Well, they were better than in the first half. Jermain Defoe is a diamond, and that could be the key against Forest — though I’d expect a fight. Perhaps Spurs on a replay.
Verdict: Spurs 1 Forest 1
And in Scotland:
Celtic vs Rangers
Craig Bellamy sent off, Chris Sutton sent off, John Hartson sent off. Only joking.
Verdict: Celtic 1 Rangers 1