As I’m a happy geek — and you are too, otherwise you wouldn’t have even managed to find your way to this column, right? — I thought we should wade through some of the geek-related goodies and news items that just keep pouring in.
For starters, the world’s smallest car has been created in a laboratory — measuring about three to four nanometres across. (By comparison, a human hair, is — wait for it — about 80 000 nanometres in diameter.) So, we’re talking small here. Very small. Have a look at the NanoCar.
In the “guess who’s going to be hacked next” section, also known as “the everyone but you” department, a recent study finds that most Office Workers are Confused by Computer Terms.
Computer-chip-“enhanced” humans have long been a staple part of science fiction. And if you follow conspiracy theory and news, you’ll know there’s always the apparently crazy folks trying to lay charges against the United States government for its secret “human cyborg” programme. Well, turns out that the crazies may have a point. Read this article on the coming brave new world of Computer-Chip-Enabled Soldiers.
At last, for perverts like myself and billions of others, there’s a digital lens that truly enables the perv — er — I mean, the photographer to take pix that looks right through clothing. Go look at the demo sample pix of the Digital See-Through Camera.
For the more regular cameras that — damn it — can’t see through clothing, look at these cute-looking cameras that we’re probably not going to see for a while (given that local shops tend to spend years desperately selling off what the rest of the world considers to be old stock). Go drool over these new Sanyo DigiCamcorders.
Gamers take note: a major game company has been busted trying to sneak in spyware on to your PC, to examine your hard drive. As the Electronic Freedom Foundation has pointed out,
Blizzard software — makers of the popular online game World of Warcraft — has tried to sneak in software on to users’ PCs to do something that any government would have to get a court order to do. Read all about it at A New Gaming Feature: Spyware.
Then, for the gamer who needs to inflict real-world bodily harm — and this looks like one of those experiments where you switch the damn thing on and run like hell — why not make your very own Pellet-Firing Automatic Sentry Gun?
When the day comes that all the animals and wildlife are dead and gone, at least we’ll be able to pat the heads of robot animals. Have a look at this latest release for the animal-loving geek who can’t find things on which to spend money: The Animatronic Life-Size Chimpanzee Head.
Japan’s anime characters continue to spread across the real world, in odd ways. For instance, here’s Hello Kitty Bus Tours. If that seems a little lame and tame, then try an entire airplane — the New Hello Kitty Jet. (This is not forgetting a previous lapse in good taste, the Pokemon Plane.)
On to important news. Ninjas have struck again. Read Ninjas Rob 911 Store.
Garden gnomes seem to have gone beyond the old-fashioned thing of escaping from evil owners’ houses, travelling the world and having their pictures taken in front of famous landmarks. Now they seem to be moving from house to house, and gathering unexpectedly on people’s front lawns. Read Roaming Garden Gnomes.
The Los Angeles Times has an interesting article and interview with some of the online Nigerian net scammers whose e-mails you’ve probably seen, and who single-handedly tend to give this continent a bad name in the online world. Read We Will Eat Your Dollars.
In a move that is bound to horrify and frighten goths everywhere, author Anne Rice (she of Interview with the Vampire fame) seems to have decided to come out from her Howard Hughes-like hermit lifestyle, and announce that she’s found Jeeezus. Read Anne Rice: Writer for the Lord.
Toy time! First off, for those who can recall the pre-digital age, go get nostalgic about the good old days when you had to use your imagination when playing games, at The Top 100 Toys of the 1970s and 1980s. Then, for slightly weirder toys — and specifically for the Star Wars geek who doesn’t know when to stop — consider this PC case modification, turning a computer into R2-D2.
Of course, if you want to start your very own sweatshops, churning out fake brand-name clothing, how about these sewing machines that come preset with a range of cartoon characters and labels? Why is this in a geek-related column? Go consider the USB-Powered Sewing Machine.
Motorola takes a big leap forward into robotic uselessness, by taking out of a patent on a “dancing cellphone”. Be ready for dumb adverts in the not-too-distant future on how wonderful/useful/clever/fashionable it can be to have a Dancing Cellphone.
And for the über-head-honcho capo del tutti frutti of all toys, and an instant method of never having traffic (or car-hijacking) fears ever again, go work out if you can afford to buy and fly your own Personal Helicopter.
You do what for a living? Meet the man who is a Professional Living Skeleton.
Pix you can use. Maybe. Captured in the moment of being shattered, stare at a Rose Dipped in Liquid Nitrogen.
In the “crime does pay, but not for them” section, take the case of the moron criminal who stole a limo — but didn’t notice the 15 People Sitting in the Back.
How about this minor lapse in thinking: the case of the man who thought it was a good idea to Take Polaroid Pix of His Genitals and Put Them on People’s Car Windows.
if you have a child, and need to humiliate him or her and gather a crowd of laughing and jeering humans around your toddler, try these amazing Yoda Ears for Your Child. If the Yoda ears don’t make you go “awwwwwww”, then this will: try these Puppies.
Alternatively, if you’re vaguely like me, then you’ll immediately understand the attraction and fun to be had from buying a gizmo used in films that shoots a big bloody ball of fire, up to 2m. From the look of it, I think you might be able to clear a path through just about any shopping mall with the Hand-Held Fireball Gun.
And in case you thought superheroes were all powerful, clever and wise creatures — some folks online have a different take. Specifically about Superman. To this end, there’s a collection of moments from Superman comics that go pretty far towards demonstrating that Superman Is a Dick.
Until the next time, if kryptonite doesn’t get me.