It’s been tucked away on a governmental website for years, but this week Lemmer discovered for the first time a testimonial as surreal as it is shameless. Lemmer has blanked the name in question, so that his readers can play Guess the Minister. ”The true greatness of a person is measured by the impact that person has on the lives of others. This statement rings true for the Minister of X, who has touched the lives of many in different ways. Such is the profound devotion that the Minister of X has shown in her efforts to improve the lives of people. Such is the essence of true greatness. A greatness that comes from understanding the complexities of the human condition…” The shrinking violet in question? Dr Manto Tshabalala-Msimang. (Ah, but is it a condition or a syndrome?)
Wild West
When Lemmer saw one Lucky Montana explaining to e.tv that security on Metrorail’s trains is improving, the oom assumed Mr Montana was a gunslinger hired by the company to deal out justice Montana-style. No such luck. Plucky Lucky was merely revealing that attacks on trains had declined sharply this year because the murders during the security guard strike earlier in the year had been ”exceptions”, and therefore not included in the statistics. Commuters must be relieved that now all they have to worry about are unexceptional assaults.
Krokodil tears
According to the text that streamed across SABC3’s programming on Tuesday night, the nation was mourning the death of PW Botha. This left Lemmer contemplating the fine line that exists between being magnanimous and being a mampara. There wasn’t a dry eye in the townships? Yeah, right.
Cultural cookie jar
City Press reported this week that the head of a ”cultural centre” in KwaZulu-Natal allegedly quadrupled his salary and promoted himself to CEO, to the consternation of his funders. The local department of arts and culture has suspended the go-getter in question, but the manne feel this is harsh, given that he was simply showcasing diverse cultures: the culture of entitlement, the culture of self-enrichment …
Cheap and nasty
The manne would like to wish low-cost, flying sardine-can operator Mango all good things for the future, but as taxpayers and therefore the people who pay Mango salaries, they would like to ask one question: why didn’t you just cut to the chase and call it Banana?