A week has passed since the first day of the New Year. Already we’re preparing to meet the challenges we’ve set ourselves by way of New Year’s resolutions. However, as much as it’s traditional to improve our lot through 10 easy steps, so it is traditional that most, if not all, resolutions have already been broken.
In contemplating where the convention for this practice originated, I turned my research impulses to the internet.
Apparently, the tradition began about 4Â 000 years ago in Babylon, but it was to be Rome of 153BC that branded New Year’s celebrations and its concomitant resolutions on to the consciousness of an awakening Western world.
Typically, the early Christian Church was the first party-pooper. Like all power-mongers and with censorship skills already well honed, it declared the observance of the New Year and its celebrations to be of pagan origin and, therefore, to be prohibited. But, as is the case with all popular movements, the rapid spread of Christianity and its dispersion into an assortment of sects saw the wishes of the Church swept aside against the bulwark of popular opinion.
However, it was only after the Middle Ages that the practice of celebrating the New Year became entrenched. As is to be expected, over the intervening 400 years, although this customary wish-list matured, the format prevailed virtually intact.
Although, for most, New Year’s resolutions are already history, with our government still enjoying its parliamentary recess, it’s not too late to make some suggestions as to what it might find beneficial to its continued good health. And since the African National Congress (ANC) still enjoys the perception of being a revolutionary party, resolutions should become revolutions.
Following are a few humble suggestions and how best these might be achieved.
Losing weight is always somewhere near the top of such a list. Parliamentarians seriously need to consider shedding not only the kilos but also the perception of being coddled fat-cats. Flaunting the trappings of power will not, in the long run, maintain the undying loyalty of voters.
Eliminating outrageously expensive parties to celebrate inconsequential achievements, ridding oneself of fancy cars, Armani suits or R5Â 000 pairs of shoes would go some way in regaining trust. And jettison the idea of yet another expensive Boeing. If MPs have to travel, they should book with our national carrier. And if they’re still too stout to find the cramped seating comfortable, postpone the trip until goal weight is achieved.
Rooting out corruption and graft is a problem of malignant scope. The solution to this little conundrum is simple. Once the perpetrators still lurking within and without government have been brought to book, they should be encouraged to embrace the assisted-suicide option. Such an option would have evidential advantages. Among others, it would significantly unburden the criminal justice system and within prisons would remove the necessity of creating luxury accommodation for favoured perpetrators.
Furthermore, it would alleviate the burden on an overstretched health ministry by eliminating the need to treat such prisoners for the extensive array of stress-related ailments they’ve acquired in the commission of their crimes.
Enjoying more quality time with voters is third on the list. Because of their inherent nurturing abilities, women in government are perhaps more suited to the task than men. So the time has arrived for them to come out from under chief whips, deputy presidents and other public servants, and cosy up instead to the electorate. The fruits of such labours are self-evident.
Improving the fiscus and reducing debt are perennial nuisances, made more burdensome by public perception that the ruling elite feel themselves entitled to increasing apportionments of public taxes to satisfy their burgeoning excesses. Trevor Manuel would do well, without fear or favour, to entertain a 15% taxation across the board, a move which would swell the national coffers by unimaginable sums.
Charitable works are a must. In this regard, all parliamentarians should resolve not to vote themselves increases in remuneration for the next two years. The savings would go some way in improving the salaries of nurses, policemen and teachers.
There’s nothing like an unsullied romantic interest to give sparkle to the New Year. Bringing a halt to floor-crossing would be a start. It should, by now, be glaringly obvious that new lovers acquired in such a manner are never true. Creative ways should be found of courting like-minded partners.
Learning something new is always a challenge. Discovering wisdom in defeat is perception personified. The recent shenanigans around the ANC trying to wrest control from the Democratic Alliance in the Western Cape should be a permanent reminder of how not to be politically insensitive in the future.
Heeding advice, no matter whence it comes, is essential. Begin to hear what you should and not what you want to hear. In other words, beware the toadies.
Improving the health and well-being of all is an easy one. Keep Manto Tshabalala-Msimang on permanent sick leave.
If any or all the above prove too tedious, then the final revolution might be just the one. Make a career break. In plain language, find another job.