”When the going gets weird,” the late father of gonzo journalism Hunter S Thompson once wrote, ‘the weird turns proâ€.
On Wednesday Thompson’s words came to life in the Pretoria Magistrate’s Court, where Gauteng Scorpions head Gerrie Nel was granted bail of R10 000 he was arrested, handcuffed and detained on two to five charges — depending on who you ask.
The day of madness started on Tuesday evening when Nel, driving home on the last night of his holidays, was apprehended at a roadblock on his street in Pretoria.
The police were, however, not waiting for murderers or rapists to pass. It was Nel they wanted.
After arresting him in front of his family and handcuffing him (something fraud convicts Schabir Shaik or Tony Yengeni did not have to endure), they took Nel into custody at the Pretoria Moot police station. (Note: more than one house burglary a day has been recorded at this station in the past year.)
In cases where arrest warrants are obtained prior to apprehending suspected criminals, the accused is normally warned to report to court on a specific date and time. No such luck for Nel.
The South African Police Service (SAPS) had planned to keep him in custody for 60 hours before bringing him before a magistrate to apply for bail.
Nel’s lawyer (who also represents Brett Kebble’s alleged hit men) would have none of it and instructed seasoned senior counsel Danie Dörfling to argue for his release in an urgent application before the Pretoria High Court.
At court the SAPS was represented by legendary Pretoria advocate Johann Engelbrecht, who could teach even Mo Shaik a few lessons on skelm pipe smoking in court buildings.
And there we sat. More than 10 Scorpions, even more journalists and a small group of German law students, asking difficult questions such as: ‘Is this how the law works in South Africa?†and ‘When will the case start?â€
After numerous phone calls and negotiations between the advocates and their clients, it was decided about 2.45pm that we should move to the Pretoria Magistrate’s Court, four blocks down the road, for a bail application.
A weary-looking Nel arrived, surrounded by about 10 policemen, who whisked him into a little passage with offices where the police were going to consult their prosecutor on the case. The only problem: there was no prosecutor.
The phone calls started yet again while two policemen with two-toned shirts, jeans and beards closely guarded the passage. As the minutes ticked by, correctional services officials appeared to collect their inmates: robbers, rapists and thieves.
Then senior prosecutor Matric Luphondo, dressed in shorts and slops and looking slightly irritated, emerged from the side of the court building. He was briefed on a case he knew nothing about.
Eventually, after the official closing time of 4pm, Nel was released on bail with at least 20 law enforcement agents looking on. Some smiled, some tried to look mean and some were seriously irritated.
The weird had turned pro and it was only the second week of the year. Hunter S Thompson would’ve been thrilled.