No matter how enjoyable school is, conflict arises from time to time. Every teacher has had to deal with a child who hasn’t done his or her homework or has “forgotten” it at home. At break time learners sometimes have verbal or physical fights. Disagreements surface at parents and teacher meetings. There are sometimes tense moments at staff and school governing body meetings when different viewpoints are expressed.
Yet not all conflict is negative. It can be positive and healthy. Think of the situation in which teachers have to discuss introducing a new sport into the extramural programme. There are bound to be differences. But if everyone’s listening to one another in a non-confrontational way, good decisions can be reached that benefit the children’s education.
Poorly handled conflict has hugely unpleasant results. Schoolyards become battlefields. Staffrooms become snake pits of verbal venom. In extreme cases there are even killings. This year in Gauteng there was a fatal shooting of a principal by a parent.
Four suggestions to reduce negative conflict:
- Learn conflict resolution skills
Teach children how to deal with conflict. One technique is the “traffic light” drill. Imagine that Jill slaps Jack, a grade two classmate, because he refuses to lend her his crayons. In “red light” mode, Jack stops and gets his anger under control. In “yellow light” mode, Jack thinks of possible options. He could think of slapping her in retaliation or he could tell the teacher. Jack thinks about the consequences of his choices. When Jack moves to “green light” mode, he carries out the choice that he sees as best for the situation.
There are other ways of dealing with conflict, for example counting slowly to 10, walking away or being in a group among friends. Resolving conflict needs each side to listen to the other. The aim is to find common ground. When that can’t be found, both parties learn to respect each other’s viewpoints.
It’s not only children who need conflict resolution training. Adults do too. They have to deal with difficult children, colleagues and parents. Teachers, for example, often have to take the lead in defusing verbal and physical violence on the playground.
- Teach values
The person who starts a conflict often displays a lack of social skills and values. For example, that person might speak abrasively and shout down others. Everyone should be taught the skills that make for peaceful interaction. Five values that reduce the potential for conflict are: cooperation, empathy, kindness, respect (for oneself and others) and self-control.
- Create a sense of belonging
One of the research findings on school shootings is that the perpetrators were lonely, isolated learners. They didn’t belong. Nobody listened to them. These young people had unresolved and suppressed conflict with teachers and fellow learners.
Individuals or gangs that cause conflict often have a sense of inferiority – no matter how strong or macho they portray themselves to others. It’s important to create a “sense of belonging” for everyone. The school belongs to everyone and everyone is distinct and yes, sometimes even zany, and he or she should be accepted.
An empathic and sensitive teacher quickly recognises the “loner” in the classroom. The teacher should make that child feel welcome and comfortable among his or her fellow learners. Acknowledge the child’s good qualities in one-to-one and whole-class situations.
When the teacher shows kindness and respect towards everyone in the class, the children will most likely copy such behaviour among themselves.
- Give opportunities to raise concerns
A person who feels accepted and belongs in the group feels free to raise concerns. Thousands of British learners have weekly cycle times with their teachers to discuss issues that they find important (for example, playground bullying). Meetings of the children’s council, prefects and representative council of learners play a similar role.
Parents also need to be heard. That’s why meetings between the parent association and the school governing body are important. Obviously there will be conflict but much of the discussion can be beneficial.
Bring different viewpoints into the open. Don’t suppress conflicting opinions and force them underground. Underground gossip can do enormous damage to the good name of your school.
Sound leadership and management can reduce negative conflict. Handle conflicting viewpoints in a positive spirit and see the benefits. Both individuals and the school will grow and it will become a happy place where quality education happens.
Leadership and management workshops are held by the South African Quality Institute. Poor schools get sponsorship. For more details, contact Vanessa du Toit on 012 349 5006 or [email protected]; Richard Hayward on 011 888 3262 or [email protected]