“The one who kills himself is never cried for”. This adage comes from a Sotho phrase — Moipolai ha a llelwe. For a long time I took it literally. It was only later that I learned that it means if a person puts themselves in a difficult situation, they cannot expect sympathy.
It’s a bit like the Western saying: “You’ve made your bed, now lie in it.”
I remembered when I heard that my own cousin had killed herself. I was cold to it all because in my mind she should have spoken to someone. I simplified it.
I had memories of her being such an open and bubbly character; more than anything her suicide just shocked all of us. Perhaps there was more we could have done for her.
September 10 marked World Suicide Prevention Day, sponsored by the International Association for Suicide Prevention and the World Health Organisation (WHO). A suicide occurs every 40 seconds and an attempt is made every three seconds, according to the (WHO).
My family’s view of my cousin’s death was an African one — which stands in stark contrast to Western attitudes. Culture and religion always have an effect on how people view suicide. In this day and age we are more likely to hear about “suicide bombers” than any other types of suicide — largely because these suicides are politically driven. I guess in this sense the fundamentalists are protected because they are dying for a cause — their religion.
The many ways suicide can be viewed takes me back to what Freud said about the act. According to the father of psychoanalysis, all suicides stem from the intent to harm anyone the suicidal person thinks has caused them unbearable pain — compelling the person to self-murder.
The idea may not be true but it has certainly been carried forth in Western thought. I wonder if the reasons Africans decide to kill themselves is any different from anyone else. Growing up I knew for a fact that the act of ending your own life was looked down upon and was seen as a “cowardly” way of exiting this life — a bit like the Catholic idea of suicide being a mortal sin.
What are the reasons that Africans commit suicide? Anthropologist MDW Jeffreys hit upon a concept: revenge suicide, which he called Samsonic suicide, in Africa. The idea is taken from the Biblical character of Samson, who killed himself in order to kill his enemies. According to Jeffreys, African suicides occur for two reasons; the ghost will torment his enemies and society will inflict penalties upon his enemies.
Africans in general do not favour any artificial means of terminating life, such as assisted suicide.
But who does?
Some cultures do not view suicide as a cowardly act. In the Samurai era, Seppuku, a form of Japanese ritual suicide by disembowelment, was respected as a means of atonement for failure or as a form of protest.
I’ve come to realise the issue of suicide transcends cultural barriers. My cousin’s decision that life was not worth living left no one in our family happy, that was for sure. Of course we had thoughts that her choice was a weak one, but more than anything we were weighed down by an unspoken sense of sadness and loss.
The WHO states that in the last 45 years suicide rates have increased by 60%. The highest rates have shifted from elderly males to an alarming rise in young people, which is alarming in that the number of children aged 10- to 14-years-old has more than doubled over the last 15 years in South Africa.
Unlike the play Waiting for Godot where the topic of suicide arises from a fit of boredom, an estimated 60% of people who commit suicide in this country do so because they are depressed.
Perhaps as Africans, both young and old, a culture of speaking about personal problems needs to be encouraged so that conditions such as depression are not taken lightly or dismissed. Phrases such as “I am so depressed” should be used in the proper context, but we should also be aware of the emotional health of those around us.
The reality is by the time you finish reading this column many will have succeeded in taking their own lives and more will have attempted to do so.
In light of World Suicide Prevention Day visit the South African Depression and Anxiety Group to learn how you can help those around you — or yourself.