/ 23 April 2020

Keep sexual frustration in check during isolation

Graphic Tiffany Twitter
(John McCann/M&G)


Folks are getting a little starved for touch. This is no lie as increasingly one witnesses the “horny on main” phenomenon  —  sexual items being shared on people’s main social media accounts (yes, the one your colleagues and family have access to). Be it confessing their need for dick or “mistakenly” sharing their PornHub preferences; things are getting lit. The memes are getting naughtier and the Tik Toks nastier.  

As the lockdown drags on, the effects of social distancing are beginning to spread to all areas of our lives, including our loins. There are, however, so many ways in which one can put your horny to good use and, as the uncertainty stretches into the distant future, this is not the time to make rookie mistakes, but is rather a time to grow as a sexual being. 

Pleasure yourself: One of the perks of masturbating during this time is that you have, what feels like, all the time in the world and it is the safest sex you can have, now that the host of nasty things you can catch also stretches to Covid-19.

Don’t call your ex: No matter how alone you may feel at this time, your ex is still not the last person on earth.  It is tempting; many out there who have gone past the fun “wine for breakfast” time, slid through the “mimosas are a health drink” period are now sipping on cups of loneliness. Feeling alone and vulnerable can make you want to reach out to something familiar. Do not do it. No sexting or “hope the cops do not catch me” coitus. Do not chance a hook-up because the streets seem as empty as your bed and the winter chill is beginning to set in. It is the “coughing season” not the “cuffing season”.

Get in touch with your fantasies: For those of you with the space and privacy this could be a good time to figure out what you like in bed. Get yourself fighting fit for when you have to interact with humans again. This can be done by diversifying the type of porn you are watching, tuning in to all the sexperts giving tutorials and the likes online, or simply reading up. And, of course, masturbating.

Use social media apps to meet new people: Some have argued the art of courtship is dead as a whole bunch of relationships/situationships now begin with a swipe, a dick pic or a request to see some nip. But, what the online space has provided us with is a space to connect with folks whom we cannot touch. This is the time to jump on the apps (some of which are now offering free roaming, which is usually a premium service around the world) and find someone new to get flirty with. There are no strings attached because it is illegal to physically date. So, the pressure is off. Use the time to brush up on your flirting skills in a low-stakes environment (unless you are in a monogamous relationship, check about that first).

Date online: Even if the booze is about to run out, you can still catch a few drinks with your lover(s). Break open some wine, dust off that special bottle of gin and crack open that computer and look each other in the face as if you are in a lovely bar somewhere. Heck, if it is a special enough date even shower and put on something other than your old Y-fronts. Some streaming services are allowing for joint watching and “movie nights” whereas karaoke and quiz night is still on the cards with other apps. It’s all a matter of looking for the thing you need — big tech has really come through for us in this time of love and social distancing.

Sexting and nudes for the win: There is no better time than now to practise safe sexting and nude sending. Even if this time feels like the apocalypse, non-pandemic rules apply: no face, no distinguishing features, wipe geo tags and put a marker on the nude (so, God forbid, you know who leaks it). Mutual masturbation and sending sexy pics (or Tik Toks if that is your thing) are ways that you can keep the horniness at bay.

Manage the emotions: Sometimes the feelings of horniness might be just that, wanting a little slap and tickle. Sometimes they can come from a feeling of unexplored loneliness. Being alone can suck really hard during this time and you could end up mistaking feelings of loneliness for feelings of lust. Reach out to a friend, talk to a lover or even just sit with it and figure it out.

Don’t let your libido get the better of you and keep your sex extra safe, by staying home.

Tiffany Kagure Mugo is the curator of HOLAAfrica and the host of radio show Between the Sheets, which is broadcast on Transafrica Radio