Krisjan Lemmer
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/ 3 January 2003

Keep walking – and drinking

It seems African National Congress members and their hangers-on took a “follow-my-leader” approach to their recent conference in Stellenbossies. The Network Lounge and all the local bars were well stocked with festive spirits for the duration of the indaba.

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/ 6 December 2002

Bearding the lion

Relations between Cosatu and the clique within the ANC that seems hell-bent on breaking up the tripartite alliance seems to have reached an all-time low, if the kindergarten level of insults being traded is anything to go by.

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/ 22 November 2002

One settler, one passport

Oom Schalk just showed Lemmer a story in the Bosveld Herald about the government wanting South Africans with dual nationalities to give up one of them. Magtig, this is just like the old days when Pieter Willem in his krokodilskoene wanted foreigners not to vote here.

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/ 7 November 2002

Let them eat bails

Old Mad Bad up north has been relatively quiet of late but His Nasty Nuttiness is back with a bang. In a country in economic crisis, with inflation running at 150% and thousands of the citizens starving, what would a good despot do?

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/ 25 October 2002

The scarlet pompernel

Things in prison have obviously relaxed a bit since Oom Krisjan spent a few days as a guest of the government. Correctional Services is investigating how the wife of Pagad terror-accused Ebrahim Jenneker could be eight months pregnant even though he has been awaiting trial for more than two years.

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/ 11 October 2002

Kortbroek’s revenge

The visdorpie awoke to the thundering sound of tons of prime bull on the hoof on Tuesday, as dozens of NNP politicians stampeded across the floor to join the ANC. The massive defections tilted the balance of power away from the DA and left Tony Leon as a notch in Marthinus van Schalkwyk’s bedpost.

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/ 4 October 2002

Who protects the public?

When the government created the position of public protector, Oom Krisjan had all these wonderful mental images of a brave warrior brandishing his spear at miscreants, in courageous defence of the Constition. But as time went by the manne at the Dorsbult became a little concerned.

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/ 27 September 2002

Manto ahead of Saddam

South African hacks, including some on this newspaper, can be glad they’re not living in Iraq. An Amnesty report, quoted by during the House of Commons debate on Tony Blair’s Saddam Hussein dossier, says dozens of Iraqi women have been beheaded for alleged prostitution.

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/ 5 September 2002

The good burghers of Jo

Oom Krisjan’s favourite big smoke, the one near Sandton, has decided to change its image. On the advice of a marketing agency Johannesburg decided to sexy up its name and market itself as … Joburg. This, the city parents assure us, is not an official name change.