EW YORK, NEW YORK - SEPTEMBER 13: Usain Bolt walks the runway at PUMA presents Futrograde during New York Fashion Week at Cipriani 25 Broadway on September 13, 2022 in New York City. (Photo by Taylor Hill/WireImage)
Friday eds’ note
Last week I spoke about how I want to live in peace. To be honest, it was just a segue into what I actually couldn’t wait to write about — joy. The only reason I couldn’t go straight to joy is because peace is the only route to joy.
I wish it was success or beauty or riches or fitness, but in order to get the one thing most humans desire in life, you must go through one of the most challenging things to attain as a human being — peace.
But back to joy! American author and podcast host Brené Brown says the emotion people struggle the most with is joy. She says we’re constantly foreboding joy by “dress rehearsing” pain or disappointment.
Your boss sends a meeting request for a “catch up” and you start coming up with 10 000 reasons why you’re in trouble. Your wife texts “we need to talk” and you’re already wondering what you’ve done wrong this time.
The reason we’re afraid of a joyful life is because we’re afraid of what’s on the other side of joy — being betrayed by someone you love is excruciating — and so we decide to be on the sidelines of life, so we can be “safe”.
As someone who’s been a proud phunyuka bam’phethe (catch me if you can), I could outrun Usain Bolt in emotional vulnerability avoidance. Yet, there’s no fun in safe, there’s no magic in safe, there’s no “am I dreaming or is this real life” in safe. Thankfully, I have officially hung up my running shoes and am now sitting peacefully in learning to be intimate with life.
However, here’s what I’m learning about joy — it’s not a destination, it’s about finding the magic stardust in everyday moments.
I love the English language for playing with words. When I look at the word “enjoy”, I see in-joy — to be in a state of joy. When I see “joyful” I hear “to be so full of life you’re full of joy”.
Look up synonyms for joy and you’ll find words like bliss, delight, pleasure, gladness, sensual delights. I mean, who doesn’t want to feel that?
As an A-type personality, I’m a graduate of the Marie Kondo school of home organising and I often ask myself what she asks everyone she helps, “Does this spark joy?” And if it does, it stays.
For me to be able to manifest the kind of life where I could be writing this column from a vineyard in the south of France, I first have to find my bliss here in Johustleburg. My surroundings won’t change if my mentality doesn’t.
An attitude of gratitude is what gets me by, so I’m not constantly bleak about the world.
I’m not sure what brings you joy but here are 10 things that bring me joy in different ways. Can you think of yours? If so, please tag me on social media about what brings you joy — write it, take a photo of it, make it a reel — because what you focus on expands. I don’t know about you, but I could use more joy in my life. Tag me @LeratoTJ with #FridayJoy
1. The end of my workout routine. This brings me joy for different reasons — the sense of accomplishment, that I have done something for myself but also the relief that I’m done with my body reminding me how unfit I still am. Until the next day.
2. When one of my many plants — I’m a plant mama with more than a dozen in my petite house — grows a new leaf or flowers. It reminds me that life is always renewing itself.
3. My niece blowing random kisses at me. Nandi was born the month before we went into hard lockdown, so she doesn’t know her aunty that well but, after a few days of thawing, she’ll blow me kisses and smile. It’s the cutest thing.
4. A great meal. Whether I made it, bought it or ate it at a dinner party, a delicious meal, shared with great company, is one of life’s most blissful pleasures.
5. Laughter. Anyone who knows me knows my laugh. It used to embarrass me but now it’s one of my favourite things about myself — and my girl friends know how to make me screech and cackle with laughter.
6. When my colleagues and the Mail & Guardian readers congratulate me on a great cover or story. I think about the many hands that make it possible and am so grateful to be part of a dope team of people who still believe in good journalism.
7. Travelling. This is probably the greatest joy of my life. I will sacrifice many frivolities so I can travel. Meeting new people, experiencing different languages and cuisines makes me feel alive.
8. A big, warm, I-don’t-want-to-let-go-of-you hug. I’m a big hugger and I love getting a good hug. If we must hug, let the joy in our embrace be felt. To this day, my brother Sabelo gives the best hugs. They make my heart swell with joy and love.
9. Music. Liberty recently invited me to An Intimate Evening with Gregory Porter and it was a transcendental experience. I’ve been lucky enough to see him before at Standard Bank Joy of Jazz, but to see him in concert alone, with his band, was extraordinary. Now I just need to manifest some serious cash so I can go see Usher in Vegas!
10. People who smile when they greet me, especially strangers such as cashiers, receptionists and security guards. They remind me to find my joy, to smile, that they have no clue what I’ve just been through or am going through but that my presence alone is enough to warrant a smile from them. I always smile back. Because joy is contagious.