Lynda Gledhill
Sitting in a luxury hotel dressed in brightly coloured clothes, Ester Mujawayo does not exude the air of a woman whose life has been destroyed. But this Tutsi from Rwanda is one of the few survivors in her family of the genocide that gripped her country in 1994.
For a month, Mujawayo, her family and others from her town hid in the school where her husband was the deputy headmaster. A neighbour told the Hutu soldiers where they were hiding, and they came to shot all the men and boys, including Mujawayo’s husband.
“In three months of hiding, almost everyone I loved was killed,” she says.
Mujawayo managed to escape with her three daughters and started an organisation called the Widows of Genocide in Rwanda. She says many women lost not only their husbands, but their children and extended families.
“The way they were killed was so cruel. People could not even cry because they had to hide.”
Even today, victims of the genocide do not want to express their grief in public. “The people around you are the ones who killed your family,” she says. “If they see you are miserable, it will make them happier, so you have to be strong on the exterior. But you also have to have a place to cry in order to keep that balance.”
Her organisation also arranges medical treatment for rape victims, helps women learn skills to support their children and rebuilds their homes.
No one has been arrested for the genocide, making it difficult for victims to put an end to their grieving. “They killed out in the open, so everyone knows who is responsible, but no one will admit it. They won’t even tell us where the bodies are.”
Mujawayo was in South Africa this week to visit the Centre for the Study of Violence and Reconciliation and talk about trauma and the healing process.
But she does not believe there can be total reconciliation: “We can talk about co- existence and mutual respect, but when you use `reconcile’ it has to mean something has changed.”
She also does not believe in giving amnesty: ” I can forgive you if you steal my car, but I can’t forgive you if you kill my family.”