Robert Kirby: Loose cannon Like many of my fellow citizens, I am now sleeping much more comfortably at night. After South Africa’s much maligned defence force so commendably and so swiftly trounced one of the poorest, most fragile countries on the African continent, I find instilled in me a feeling of enraptured patriotic self-esteem.
Not only that, but the certain knowledge that whatever a few amateur, disorganised – and probably seriously stoned – soldiers hurl at us, the South African National Defence Force (SANDF) will be there to absorb the shock.
Inevitably though, all impulsive swellings of pride will deflate, at which point it’s a welcome and often necessary exercise to try to share out the laurels in an equitable manner. You will have noticed how both Nellie and Thabs promptly fired up the afterburners in their chronic selflessness, generously according all the sparkling international kudos for the Lesotho triumph to that nice man, Mangosothu Buthelezi.
The burnished humilities of these two late-20th century political giants permitted them only to accept a smidgeon of praise for having encouraged Buthelezi in his lust for a decisive solution to all that unacceptable Maseru street marching.
Then, in Mandela’s case, it was back to more urgent global matters. A quick hugger-mugger with Zip Code Billy to tell him he’s just as fine a fellow as Mobuto Sese-Seko was.
After that elegant libation had been left, Mandy spoke at length on the need for a better understanding of African problems, had a few more bouquets flung at him, offered his long-distance but nonetheless deeply- felt commiserations to the families of the South African soldiers killed in the Maseru skirmishes and otherwise went back full-time to “Nelson’s Glorious Farewell & Gratitude Road Show”.
Meanwhile, Thabo was frantically tearing around Europe trying to find out at which renaissance he’d mislaid Alfred Nzo.
Approached for his comments on the business, Mangosothu, himself, was more tantalising than is even his wont. Like a polished opening batsman, he tickled all the accolades for the Lesotho walkover down to a third party – in this case something called the Southern African Development Community (SADC). Thus was the circle completed. The praise for what surely must become known as the “The Conquest of Lesotho” was something no one could quite accept.
I’m not suggesting – as indeed has been suggested by certain tenebrous bearded white racist male editors – that Mandela and Mbeki should have been at home while Maseru was being downsized on their behalf.
With the reins almost within his grasp, Mbeki had every right to be exploring new investment opportunities in Europe.
And with retirement looming, Mandela had every right to go in search of a few late-harvest congressional medals of honour. Bright sashes go with the job and it’s quite exhausting being a sycophant junkie.
What I am asking is why hasn’t Ronnie Kasrils raised his shapely arms and gathered some credit to himself? The Lesotho campaign had Bisho written all over it. And when it comes to being “Armed and Dangerous” – as one of Ronnie’s frequent auto- biographies is titled – the sight of that enthusiastic SANDF trooper savagely kicking a starving old man in the face would have given anyone a sense of accomplishment. Corvettes have got nothing on this.
But still they won’t come forward, these secret backroom sponsors of the Lesotho military expedition. One or two army representatives pop up now and then to explain how their forces got totally knackered by some pedestrians wielding looted fly- swatters. But otherwise it’s been left to Ulster Spucks’s television news department to wind it all down.
And, no one is saying who is going to pay for all this fun. I know there were only 600 troops to start with, but that number had to be increased vastly as more and more Lesotho grannies got their hands on more and more fly-swatters. Then there’s the matter of Maseru, several other towns and the entire Lesotho economy having been razed to the ground and which, but for the South African invasion, would still be standing.
This isn’t some R65-million soupon like the Non-Aligned Movement Summit. This is serious billions stuff. Somehow I don’t see other members of the SADC running for their cheque- books. Alas, once again it will be the shitheaded tax-paying industrialists and working folk of South Africa who will foot the bill for the government’s latest theme-party.
Oh well, basic hospital supplies and school books will just have to go on hold for another year or two.