South African law does not recognise the existence of male rape, yet last year at least one man was sexually assaulted each week. Heather Hogan reports
Allan Stewart was on his way to visit a friend who’d moved to a new home. While travelling out of Johannesburg, his car broke down in a remote area. A red Ford pulled up and two men offered to help.
Stewart (not his real name) thought his troubles were over. But instead of taking him to the nearest garage, they took him into bushes where they raped and robbed him.
The experience left him psychologically scarred by his secret ”shame”. So great was Stewart’s trauma that he became an alcoholic, storming and raging until his wife left him, taking their two small children with her.
Male rape is far more common than most people imagine. Last year, at least one man was sexually assaulted each week – and those are only the reported cases.
Many consider it a joke, others consider it a sacrilege. South African law doesn’t even recognise the existence of male rape.
Victims continue to suffer in silence, believing people will laugh at them because ”real men” don’t get raped.
Western Cape police Captain Andre Traut explains that by law, only a woman can be raped. If a man is penetrated by another man, then it’s sodomy. If he is sexually attacked by a woman, then it’s sexual assault.
South African law requires that rape has to be between a man and a woman and it must involve penetration. If the man is forced by the woman to penetrate her, he is not being raped because he is not being penetrated.
”The violation of men is downplayed by the public and the media. People are so overwhelmed by the amount of women who are raped by men that they can’t accept that men get raped too,” comments Dr Paul, the radio sex therapist and director of Holistic Health Centres.
”Most cases of sexual assault and sodomy go unreported in my opinion because men tend to feel their masculinity has been taken from them. I’ve dealt with a few cases where men have been raped and the trauma they suffer is as bad as anything a woman experiences, they just don’t talk about it.
”Men can be raped by women as well as sodomised by other men. The specific idea of rape may vary but the woman could stimulate herself on her victim without penetration. If something is inserted into the rectum, it could induce an unwanted erection because the anus is a very delicate area and where the prostate gland is found.”
Traut believes many men would not report rapes because they would not be taken seriously.
”It would be even worse for a man who reported being attacked by a woman because in my opinion, men feel that no other man would refuse a woman’s advances, least of all have to fight her off. Instead the victim’s friends would think he was a fool for not leaping at the opportunity and giving his attacker what she wants.
”I believe sexual attacks on men should be dealt with in the same way as they are [for] women. It is equally humiliating for all victims of sexual violence.”
Surprisingy, most male rapists and male rape victims are heterosexual, and gang rape of men tends to be more common.
According to Wayne Dynes, author of the Encyclopedia of Homosexuality, rape is a crime of power and extremely traumatic because it involves the total loss of control of one’s body. ”The psychological devastation is difficult to imagine for a male who hasn’t been through such an experience,” he says.
Dynes explains that the trauma is so extreme for men usually because it involves an inversion of sexual roles which is hard for the heterosexual man to deal with. Confusion regarding issues of masculinity and homosexuality result.
”While rape is common in the community, it’s most common, even accepted, as a way of life in all-male residential settings – prisons, mental institutions, boarding schools and the military.”
Stewart was 27 years old when he was raped. He was happily married with two small children whom he adored. Five years later he is still struggling to come to terms with his ordeal.
”They pulled a knife on me,” he recalled, bursting into tears as he relived the experience. ”I tried to escape, but they were too strong. They beat me half senseless and pulled down my pants. I won’t even repeat half of the things they said. They raped me and there was nothing I could do to stop them.”
When they were finished they took Stewart’s wallet and beat him unconscious.
”When I woke up, I couldn’t believe it, it felt like a bad dream. I hurt everywhere. I felt and still feel so dirty, ashamed and violated. The hate and rage I feel are unimaginable. I barely remember how I got home. I was too embarrassed to tell the police and too ashamed to tell my wife.
”All I knew was that I couldn’t bear to be touched. I didn’t want to make love to my wife any more. I would get angry with my family over nothing.
”I would scream if the toast got burnt and almost go hysterical if the milk went sour. I became unbearable to live with.”
Stewart’s wife never understood his mood changes because he could never bring himself to tell her what had happened to him. When he became an alcoholic, she left him.
Stewart says: ”At the time I felt it was best for them to leave. I was supposed to look after them but how can I do that when I can’t even look after myself?
”Whatever happens though, I don’t want anybody to know who I am. I don’t want them pointing a finger at me and saying, ‘There goes the faggot who got raped.’ I think I’ve suffered enough.”