Dear Mr Buthelezi,
I would like to thank you for getting rid of the Nigerians at the bottom of my street. For the past seven months my wife, Brenda, has been nagging at me to go down and tell them to stop selling drugs … Anyway, last Tuesday the police came around and sent the scoundrels packing. Now the house is full of pretty young things who come and go at all hours. Brenda is still not happy, so I offered to go and sort them out. But she threatened to leave me. I hope you have more luck understanding women.
I also wanted to congratulate you on your occasional promotion to President. Does this only happen when Thabo is out of the country? … What happens if something really awful happens to Thabo? Do you get to fight it out with Zuma, or do we all have to line up again and get our thumbs blackened? Either way we are headed for an all-Zulu Cabinet, which I don’t mind at all. Some of my best friends are Zulus. But Brenda feels you chaps need to brush up on the old crime and punishment thing. She feels political discussions should go beyond machete fights at the local market.
I’ve tried to explain that there’s a new dynamic at work, but she does the old snort and head toss and walks away. And that’s when I feel the Zulu in me coming out!
Keep the Home Affairs fires burning!