Being a king is a tough task and you can’t even quit. A quick glance through history shows there are some awful ways to lose your job — most often by losing your head. But in the olden days no one questioned what you wanted to do.
King Goodwill Zwelithini must be wondering whether this era is for him. He’s running into a little flak over the annual shopping list he presented this week to the KwaZulu-Natal provincial legislature for a rubber stamp. Having been King of the Zulus for more than 30 years (and not once insisted on a big jubilee celebration, unlike some queens Lemmer could mention), he felt he could expect some goodwill from the people. But it appears the premier’s portfolio committee is less than enchanted by the R14-million bill to keep the monarch in the style we’d all like to become accustomed to.
Zwelithini’s requests are not unreasonable by royal standards: he needs a new house (R2,2-million), two new guest houses (more than R1-million) and a new kitchen (R1,5-million) to cater for all those extra guests.
Other trifles include R100 000 to upgrade tennis courts, R120 000 for a three-hole golf course and curtains to the value of R216 000 to keep out the prying eyes of the plebs.
Intriguing was the R1500 wanted for spice racks (see kitchen and guest houses, above) and R1000 for a hidden dustbin (either for the side-effects of the spice racks or for shredded lists of other things to buy).
What appears to have stuck most firmly in the republican craw is R600 000 required for demolition and relocation of staff quarters, which are apparently located too close to the royal home!
But, Oom Krisjan supposes, his highness does not wish to be too close to the masses.
Team trials
Making the surprise entrance of recent times was African National Congress Women’s League president Winnie Madikizela-Mandela at a Congress of South African Students’ (Cosas) meeting last week. Cosas is currently the least popular organisation in the larger ruling coalition, Lemmer believes. Its members were suspended from schools by the Gauteng government after the organisation went on a rampage in the Johannesburg CBD last month. Even Premier Mbhazima Shilowa behaved like an exasperated headmaster and gave them a tongue-lashing at the legislature this week.
Well, Mama Africa took a different view of things and expressed qualified support for the students, blaming the parents instead. That had some people complaining that Madikizela-Mandela was probably scratching around for support to help her scrape through to the ANC’s national executive at its conference in December. Or perhaps she was scouting for talent for the Mandela United soccer team.
Contract on Billy
The prince formerly known as Gatsha, who has to suffer under the duties of being home affairs minister on top of the problems associated with no one knowing what to call him, must be tearing out his hair. He was lumbered with Billy Masethla as his director general at home affairs and was deeply suspicious that the former chief spook had been continuing his ”spying” — this time on the minister.
The Inkatha leader finally got his wish his week when the government redeployed Billy. It is plain, however, that no one has been listening to Meneer Buthelezi.
ANC spin doctor supreme Smuts Ngonyama vigorously dismissed reports on the sacking of Masetlha, former head of the South African Secret Service: ”The ANC wishes to put the record straight regarding the case of the director general for foreign affairs Billy Masetlha … arrangements have long been under way to deploy him when the contract expires. Any suggestion that he is sacked is a blatant distortion of the matter.”
So, too, as far as we are aware, Smuts, is the suggestion that Cde Billy was ever at foreign affairs. And so, as far as Buthelezi is aware, is the suggestion that Cde Billy ever so much as had a contract with either foreign affairs or home affairs.
The meaning of life is 4-4-2
Bafana Bafana did us proud at the World Cup — and will go further when Andre Arendse stops practising his goalkeeping in the shower with a bar of soap.
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