Mozart had it, and now thanks to the Internet, you can have it too! Tourette’s syndrome – or simply put, a joyful way of getting away with swearing violently in the midst of regular conversation. Take a look at the online Tourette’s syndrome simulator.
But the Internet isn’t only about silly generators, it also has important sites like this next one, which can give you 150 000 alternative ways of saying ‘jerking off’. Get a firm grip, take yourself in hand and march awkwardly to The Random Masturbation Synonym Generator.
Computer gamers can only dream about the dazzling heights of this accomplishment – but take a look at the day when one human being managed to eat every dot and kill every jelly monster on all 256 levels of Pacman. Go stare in awe at the godlike person who got the Pacman world record.
A man has been refused a passport in Australia. Why? Well, his legal name is ‘Prime Minister John Piss the Family Court and Legal Aid’ (or just ‘John’ to his friends) Name Wars. A fine tradition of surreal protest, which some of you may recall, first surfaced with an irate bank customer calling himself (Mr) “Yorkshire Bank plc are Fascist Bastards”. Name Wars 2. (I’m still waiting for someone to rename themselves to Thabo Mbeki Midget Moron Ineffectual Leader Global Clown Smith.)
There’s a cancer causing chemical more toxic than lead, that is not only deliberately added to our water, but it’s added to toothpaste – so children are taking massive doses of it on a daily basis. I’m talking about fluoride – try a page set up to fight the fluoridation of water in Ireland. Also, take a long hard look at this next page, with a lot of hard scientific data, including material from 14 Nobel Prize winners all objecting to human use of fluoride. No fluoride. Did you know that your average family-sized tube of toothpaste has enough fluoride to kill a nine kilogram child if they swallow it all? Or that fluoride was put into the water in WW2 concentration camps to keep the prisoners docile? Do some reading through these links and get active with the local Water Board.
And, to freak you out completely and make you hit the health shops for no-fluoride toothpaste, take a look at the biological effects of fluorides.
Gear change – more and more people are beginning to realise that something stinks in the Bush administration and it’s so-called ‘War on Terror’, which it is about to unleash on Iraq. Take a read of what one brave US Senator has stated publicly, calling for an investigation into 911. Read her quite sensible comments in full at Thoughts on September 11. Then read how the US media and other politicians reacted to it. The sheep line-up, it seems: The Washington Post, McKinney Comments and then a reaction by an ex-journalist to the Washington Post story – An Open Letter to the Washington Post.
The semantic war intensifies as the US begins calling suicide bombers in the Middle East ‘homicide bombers’ – for an interesting article on this not-particularly clever attempt at doublespeak, go to Suicide Versus Homicide. I’m sorry I only found this next site after Easter, as it’s profoundly lacking in any taste. (And be warned, it’s not for the sensitive.) So if you have some victims that need something vile to arrive in their inbox, bright and early one morning at the office – then don’t delay, send someone some Aborted Fetus Easter Eggs!. And now, dipping into the local goodies, browse through a long overdue ‘mad as hell and not going to take it anymore’ type of site called Never Fly SAA. Then for something a little less strident – and mainly because I’ve been blatantly and cheerfully bribed to do so – take a look at a local site called Happy Key.
Finally, a real sneaky spyware alert for all of you using Kazaa and other file-sharing and mp3-grabbing apps on the internet. If you download from the Net, do a search on your PC to see if you have this Trojan. Kazaa is just one of the apps that installs a nasty little program called BDE – which is not only standard spyware, snooping on what you’re doing – but the company who makes it, are planning to use this Trojan, to ‘borrow’ your computing power and then sell it. So this program can and will control your entire PC. For the whole sneaky story, go to A Parasite Is In Your Computer,. Then for info on how to manually remove BDE, go to Remove It, at. For a version of Kazaa that has No BDE inherent, or for a program to auto remove the scumware, Kill BDE. Happy downloading of free music!
Until the next time? if the water boards and dentists don’t get me.
Ian Fraser is a playwright, author, comedian, conspiracy nut, old-time radio collector and self-confessed data-junkie. Winner of numerous Vita and Amstel Awards, he’s been an Internet addict and games-fanatic since around 1995, when the Internet began to make much more sense than theatre.