Like lamb to the slaughter? Hopefully not — even without the mighty Jacques Kallis in the game. Sacrifice would seem to be a key element in our boys’ quest to be brilliant and victorious at this stage of the England Test series. Good eating habits, good drinking habits and more training is the buzz within the camp.
The abstention from the good things in life is an admirable way for the South Africans to go about their England tour — but shouldn’t they be spoiling themselves just a little? Aren’t Graeme Smith, Adrian le Roux and the boys being just wee bit premature in their cholesterol strike? After all, they have a lean and mean tour of Pakistan just around the corner, where there are no fatty English lamb chops.
Would we have survived these hunger pangs 25 years ago? It’s all about balance, isn’t it?
At Derbyshire County Cricket Club I played with an Englishman named David ‘Razor” Steele. He was probably the most humorous gentleman I have played cricket with. Dour, dogged, determined, but his dry sense of humour was in character with his dour, dogged, determined batting and bowling.
His silver-streaked hair and spectacles belied his 35 years — a little too advanced, perhaps, to be playing against Dennis Lillee and the belligerent Aussies. Nevertheless, he was doing exactly that.
His guts, batting, appetite for runs and greed for lamb chops, cigars and a soothing pint of lager at the end of the day were his fuel. No sacrifices for Razor Steele. As it was also his benefit year, he was actually sponsored a number of lamb chops per century that season and a few more per Test century.
He had a great season, with the Aussies eating out of his hands. Needless to say, he didn’t share his chops, certainly not the fatty parts, with anyone.
Now Razor was not an athlete — not like us South African thoroughbreds. He would glide through the air (almost like being on a treadmill without gear change) and walked pigeon-toed with a prowl — no wonder the Aussies exclaimed as he walked into bat for the first Test: ‘Who is this coming in, Groucho Marx?”
Many runs, chops, cigars and lagers later, when he rejoined us at Derbyshire, he would boast: ‘Good morning lads — give me the ball or bat, I’m feeling razor-sharp!” Hence one of his many nicknames.
I probably also had an affinity for dear old Steele as he would boost my ego by calling me ‘The Don”. Apart from the physical resemblance, he thought I could play a bit, but that is the closest I will ever get to batting like Sir Don Bradman.
Razor would constantly prompt me: ‘Show them the 12 studs [big boots], Don!” — Steele had big feet and was mostly a front-foot player. ‘Are you listening, Herschelle [Gibbs]?” This was one of Steele’s strengths (fat or no fat) in English conditions, as he would plant his front foot towards the pitching of the ball.
The cushioning in his midriff acted as a buffer in his favour, as he got hit there quite often through getting into line well. ‘Room for another chop,” he would say.
To digress is sometimes healthy, as it reminds us that the technicalities, psychology and skills of the game haven’t changed all that much. It’s merely the methodology during different eras that changes.
The absence of Kallis (who was at his father’s side while he passed away this week) will be felt. It affects the whole balance of the team. The selectors now have to think about bringing in another seam-bowler at the expense of a batsman, and of moving Mark Boucher one up in the order.
The loss of Kallis only gives South Africa four specialist bowlers if they play the extra batsman. This would also put Paul Adams’s place in jeopardy, which would be a shame.
Much depends on the wicket at Edgbaston this week and the South African brains trust will have their work cut out for them. Oh, for a Andrew Hall or Lance Klusener at this critical time! And South Africa’s batting at the bottom of the order is looking a little thin. The English tail is also a bit wobbly. If our four main bowlers can make early inroads among the English, Smithy’s boys have a good chance, and we can play six specialist batsmen.
If the Aussies can do it with four bowlers (including Shane Warne), why can’t we? Then again, do we have a Paul Warne? Fitness trainer Adrian le Roux has, by all accounts, done a fine job in preparing the squad for the showdown.
My old Derbyshire teammate, John Wright (current Indian coach), phones me periodically to demonstrate his disappointment at losing Le Roux to South Africa. Let’s hope the boys are ‘razor-sharp” this week.
They might be looking lean, but are they up to being mean?
Our bowlers, minus Kallis, need to produce.