Mark Palios is a quiet, controlled sort of fellow. He can often be seen leading his four daughters on bikes around the village we share in Buckinghamshire. The new FA chief executive is not easily angered.
When we played football against each other in the local Sunday League — he only gave up last year, and he was still the guy we had to man-mark — he would take the kicks and the shoves without complaint.
A former Tranmere Rovers stalwart who spent 15 years in the lower reaches of no-nonsense professional football, he’s seen it all. But I suspect even he was startled when Arsenal lost it on Sunday.
I’m reliably informed Palios spent all day Monday watching Sky’s footage with his compliance officer Stephen Barrow.
After studying all the angles he acted just as I expected he would. Like a stern father, furious with a family member.
On Wednesday Palios charged an unprecedented eight players for their parts in the Old Trafford War.
Martin Keown, the manic centre half, faces an improper conduct charge for confronting Ruud van Nistelrooy after he had missed the last-gasp penalty which ensured a 0-0 draw. More seriously Keown faces a violent behaviour charge for ‘striking Van Nistelrooy on the head after the final whistleâ€.
In north London T-shirts commemorating this event, with Keown, arms aloft, catching Van Nistelrooy, are already being produced. Keown faces a ban of at least six weeks.
Ray Parlour also faces two charges, while Ashley Cole, Jens Lehmann and Patrick Vieira, whose petulant but inaccurate kick at Van Nistelrooy caused the red card which sparked the fracas, must all answer improper conduct charges.
Two Manchester United players, Ryan Giggs and Christiano Ronaldo, will apparently be let off, though they have both been charged with improper conduct too.
Spies tell me Ronaldo and Cole clashed afterwards in the tunnel, while Vieira and Van Nistelrooy had two ‘lively conversations†20 minutes apart after the game.
But the man deepest in the mire is Cameroon international Lauren, the midfielder who has become a regular fixture at Highbury as a full-back.
Lauren has been done on two counts of improper conduct and two of violent conduct.
In the old days, when Stan Rous, Graham Kelly and Adam Crozier were in charge, players might have expected a fudge, a compromise. I remember the 1991 brawl between United and Arsenal that resulted in United losing one point and Arsenal two, with the Gunners going on to win the title having suffered just one defeat all season.
Palios will not allow such gentle treatment. He’s an ex-footballer, not a footballing politician. He’s played the game at the highest level (and, against me, at the lowest level) and he knows lunacy when he sees it.
Lauren will be out for 10 games, minimum. You can’t get away with attacking Van Nistelrooy, Phil Neville, Quinton Fortune and Ryan Giggs all in one desperate melee and expect to get away with it.
The others? I thought Giggs was only trying to rescue United’s reputation, while Ronaldo couldn’t harm a fly.
Vieira must face at least a further three games for the way he behaved after his sending off (and he should send a letter of thanks to the once irksome Roy Keane for stopping serious bother after the red card) while Parlour, Cole and Lehmann should get a game each.
‘For Arsenal the title has been lost in September. They won’t recover from this.â€
I’m fascinated to hear what Arsenal boss Arsene Wenger has to say when he steps forward to justify his team’s lack of discipline.