And so it begins. The Pom-bashing. It’s Australia versus Jonny Wilkinson on Saturday. That was the line at the ornate State Theatre, where comedians descended, Heineken-sponsored, to entertain the rugby crowds.
One absolutely hilarious Aussie suggested his cousin Luigi was the chef at England’s Manly Pacific hotel and would sort things out before the final, as South Africa’s never-traced cook Suzie did to the All Blacks in the Sandton Holiday Inn before the 1995 final against the hosts.
And of course, the comical convict yawned every time England’s all-kicking, no-dancing 24-7 scoreline over the French was mentioned.
Yuk, yuk.
This morning the papers have taken over. On the front of the Sydney Daily Telegraph is a picture of Jonny with a no-go sign, in the Ghostbusters style, superimposed over his kicking figure.
They quote injured Wallaby winger Ben Tune saying: ”I’d be surprised if our flankers George Smith and Phil Waugh don’t make him their number-one priority.”
Inside, he’s ”Jonny the hermit”, and they have a huge picture of Jonny with his girlfriend Diana ”Not Posh Spice” Stuart.
They say a teammate has called him ”a bit of a neurotic basket case” but of course it was Observer journalist Eddie Butler, the former Wales captain, who used that phrase first three weeks ago.
Nobody in the England case uses the term ”basket case”. They prefer ”match-winner” or, from next week, ”World Cup winner”.
We’ve come a long way since the basket case question. Jonny kicked 23 of the 28 points against Wales in the quarterfinal, adding all 24 in the semi against France last Sunday. Now he’s on 95 points, eight behind French choker Frederic Michalak and 30 short of the World Cup record of 125 points.
To its credit, the Telegraph has a selection of English front pages to amuse the estimated 30 000 Barmy Army troops who, white-shirted, burst into spontaneous choruses of the slave spiritual Swing Low, Sweet Chariot, at every opportunity here in Sydney.
On the back? ”Hands up if you think we’re boring” and a pic of all the England players with their hands up after crushing France. Underneath that: ”Wallaby greats say dull English are killing rugby”.
Well, they would, wouldn’t they?
The upmarket Sydney Morning Herald makes the point that, so far, Eddie Jones and Clive Woodward haven’t yet engaged in the usual verbal slanging match … though it does detail full accounts of previous arguments.
In 2001 Jones had a go at Woodward for picking Kiwi Henry Paul just one club game after his switch from Rugby League. Woodward responded by blasting Jone for using decoy runners in their defeat at Twickenham (have I mentioned that was the first of four successive wins leading up to Saturday’s World Cup final, which will be number five?).
Then they carry Jones this year saying: ”England are still playing Premier League soccer style, getting down the other end where they have a few set plays.”
Herald cricket columnist Adam Gilchrist, the Australian wicketkeeper, says inside: ”I see many parallels between this year’s Wallabies and our Cricket World Cup winners.”
Big hits? Mouthy Aussies? Arrogant b … Hmmm. I guess he’s right.
The new world rankings released by the International Rugby Board show England back on top, Australia up to number two and the All Blacks slipping to third above France.
Sounds about right to me.
The best of the Herald is generally to be found in its hilarious Blindside snippets column.
It tells us Monday morning’s L’Equipe headline, literally translated, read: ”The Blue ones drowned in Sydney.”
Sounds about right, too.
Generally though, the mood is one of deep-seated loathing of us men in white.
It quotes David Beckham on Wilko (”If he keeps kicking like he does, and I’m sure he will, we’ll win the World Cup and we’ll all be proud”) and concludes ”has anyone got a bucket?”.
Ho, ho.
Its readers’ letters reflect Aussie fury at English fans singing Swing Low louder than their own literally suicidal Waltzing Matilda during Saturday’s lucky semifinal win over the All Blacks (why hasn’t anyone here mentioned the disallowed Joe Rokocoko try early on?).
It calls for a reduction in points scored for drop goals (Jonny has scored a record seven here so far) and says: ”We’d like to see some English backs running on Saturday.”
But the best quote on its back page on Tuesday comes from Clive Woodward: ”The English fans are incredible. This is better than Twickenham.”
On the ferry to England’s base in Manly, the white shirts abound. Surely 30 000 people haven’t travelled to the other side of the world to see their side finish second?
By the way, the referee for the final: South Africa’s Andre Watson (44), who was overheard during the semi telling English ref Chris White what to do with Aussie captain George Gregan’s constant critisism of his decisions.
It wasn’t very polite. He also had a go at Gregan in a Super 12 match in 2001.
Sounds about right to me.