Facial egg
Lakshman Kadirgamar was flying the flag for media repression and curtailment of free speech this week. Lakshman who? Ah … Not for nothing is Oom Krisjan’s memory frequently compared with a Kruger elephant’s. Kadirgamar is Sri Lanka’s humorously named ”information and communication” minister. This week he cancelled the TV broadcast licence granted to the Asian Broadcasting Corporation (ABC) back in 1995. The company was about to launch the channel when our hero pulled the plug. ABC called the decision ”politically motivated”, and Reporters sans Frontieres (Reporters without Borders) said the decision could be a prelude to further tough government measures against privately owned media during the Sri Lankan election campaign, due to start shortly.
All this sounds suspiciously familiar, the Oom thought, mindful as he is of Mad Bob’s latest blitz on the Zim media and our own Nkosazana’s bizarre endorsement of that. At which point the tickey dropped. Remember the last Commonwealth indaba in December? Our pres covered himself and South Africa in glory again when he vigorously campaigned against Don McKinnon continuing as Commonwealth secretary general. McKinnon, of course, was of that sizeable body of Commonwealth opinion in favour of continuing Zim’s suspension from the organisation, on no doubt whimsical grounds (if the Oom has understood Mad Bob’s rantings on the subject) concerning democracy, free speech and suchlike frivolities deriving from Rooinek imperialist dogma. Or something. Anyway, our pres was willing to put ubuntu, national dignity and African unity on the line to exclude McKinnon in favour of … Yes, Lakshman.
Own goal I
‘Am I the only one perplexed by the DA’s election poster?” asks a friend of the Dorsbult. ”How does one explain the poster of Tony Leon’s smiling face next to the words ‘South Africa Deserves Better’? Is the official opposition registering a vote of no confidence in its own leader? Or is it that South Africa deserves better than the DA?” Both, the manne decided.
Own goal II
‘The ANC in KwaZulu-Natal invites the leader of the Democratic Alliance, Lance Corporal Tony Leon, to a public debate” on blah blah censored blah, a release from piesangland this week thundered. Nice to see the ruling party doing its bit to raise the general level of political discourse.
Own goal III
The invitation to Leon continued by offering the leader of the opposition a ”free education on policies aimed at resolving problems facing our people”. Such as the problems facing our people caused by the government’s policy not to provide free education?
Own goal IV
The manne were puzzled to receive a smart shopping bag labelled ”Sandton Square” this week. In opulent colour tones it depicted a smug-looking jester figure strumming a lute while reclining in one of the fake Renaissance arches that adorn probably the richest square kilometre in the country. Inside was a gift-wrapped container from which spilled two heavy silver salad servers. The Oom is more used to receiving a wad or two of chewing tobacco and maybe some peach brandy, and then only at Kersfees, so he was doubly confused by all this largesse in February. Then he noticed a large card headed ”Invitation”. This went on to claim: ”After 10 years Sandton Square serves you.” And who until now, he wondered? Americans? But what really had the manne swigging deeply on their Klippies and Coke was what followed: ”An unveiling of our renaissance.” The Dorsbult tote is now processing bets on whether this renaissance has anything in common with the one President Mbeki likes to chat about.
Political cuisine
The Oom ventured beyond the Dorsbult last week to a nearby bar, where he discovered a new item on the menu: ”Manto’s Solution: Spaghetti with garlic, lemon, olive oil, chili and prawns.” Nice one, the Oom thought. Then he noticed that the drink he had requested aeons earlier had still not arrived. In the same moment, he saw why: police were energetically removing the establishment’s liquid supplies. Licence trouble, apparently. Krisjan is sure that She Who Must Be Obeyed couldn’t have had anything to do with that.
S&M
Lemmer hears that, in response to the perplexing popularity of The Weakest Link, a TV quiz show based on insulting the contestants, KykNET will soon launch an Afrikaans version. After many months of creative brainstorming, they’ve come up with a catchy version of ”You are the weakest link — goodbye”. Brave souls on the Afrikaans show can soon expect to be told on national television: ”Jy’s dof —fokof!”
Intergalactic finger
Orders for Klippies and Coke in the Dorsbult have been especially heavy since we heard about Bushbaby’s latest thoughts on expanding his chieftancy. Seems the Americans’ success in getting some motorised blikkie to Mars has inspired the Lord of the Universe: he now wants to send an invading force there too. So the manne were pleased to be sent this image of what the advance party can expect: