Some employers say it doesn’t happen in their workplace, many wish it didn’t, but we all know that there are people who flirt at work. Plenty of them, and America Online has the statistics to prove it. Its survey of more than 10 000 adults found that 71% confessed to having had a romantic relationship with a colleague. Presumably, these people exchanged at least the odd flirtatious glance and joke over the photocopier during the course of a day’s work.
A little bit of flirting in the office isn’t necessarily a problem, as long as it doesn’t affect anyone’s work or your professional standing in the eyes of colleagues. It can be a problem, however, if it is a one-sided affair, with one party wishing the other would keep their behaviour strictly professional.
So what do you do when you feel someone’s behaviour is inappropriate?
Ignore it in the hope that the person will get the message? Tell them how you feel? According to exclusive research carried out by deskdemon. co.uk, many of us simply bury our heads in the sand. Almost a third of the 463 secretaries polled say they find the situation so embarrassing that they just ignore it. The problem with this approach, of course, is that the flirting may continue or escalate and colleagues may think there is more going on than meets the eye.
Some support staff — 25% of those polled — are not prepared to put up with unwanted attention and prefer to confront the person. If you’re lucky and the perpetrator has no idea that his or her behaviour could be construed as inappropriate or offensive, a quiet word can put an end to it.
Janet McGlaughlin, operations director at recruitment firm Pertemps, thinks this can be the most amicable way of resolving the situation. ”Saying it directly to the individual can sometimes take the sting out of it,” she says.
”It is important for women in particular to maintain a professional standing at work so you need to have the confidence to say that it doesn’t look right and that it doesn’t look good to those around you.”
McGlaughlin recommends that anyone considering a confrontation thinks first about what they are going to say and how they are going to say it.
It is particularly hard if you are new to a job and feel nervous about complaining. Or if the person is an important client and everyone jumps through hoops to keep them happy. Or worse still, if it is your boss.
Talking to your boss about a colleague flirting with you is one thing — confronting them about their own behaviour is a tough one. This is where HR teams can be very useful because they can do the talking for you. Sexual harassment cases generate a lot of publicity and employers are so fearful of claims being brought against them that most HR departments have policies in place to deal with this kind of thing.
Of those polled by deskdemon, 31% said they would go straight to HR in such a situation. It is then up to HR to act. ”It has to be dealt with immediately,” says McGlaughlin. ”As an employer, you cannot afford to ignore it because ultimately, it’s your responsibility. If you ignore it, it is at your own peril.”
Legislation exists to protect employees from inappropriate behaviour of a sexual nature. HR knows it and employers know it too. Office workers are therefore becoming more circumspect about getting into a situation where someone will complain about them.
”People are just so aware of the law and it is so heavily frowned upon that it is not so much of a problem these days,” says McGlaughlin. ”There will still be isolated incidents, but people know that there are severe penalties.”
Ben Willmott, an employee relations adviser, agrees that legislation has had a positive effect in stamping out many of the more extreme cases of unwanted sexual attention, but does not believe that it has stopped it altogether. ”I’m sure it’s still the case in too many workplaces,” he says.
A lot of office workers view it as an inevitable fact of working life and none more so than the temp. ”There is something about the fact that you are a temp that makes the office lech think you’re fair game,” says Susie, a temp for the past five years. ”Or perhaps it’s just that others in the office know to avoid the person, whereas it takes you a couple of days to work it out.”
The real problems start when the person hopes their flirting will lead to more tangible gains. An increasing number of people meet their long-term partners at work — 62% according to research released last week by employment law firm Peninsula — and Willmott thinks some people have that expectation already in their minds. ”If people are expecting to meetsomeone at work, then they are likely to be more flirtatious,” he says.
That’s fine as long as it’s an office filled with like-minded types, but people who just want to get on with their professional rather than personal lives in the office can find it very oppressive. An adaptive approach would seem to be the safest way; if at first you don’t succeed — stop. And just be friends. — Â