The cows of wrath
Oom Krisjan has often wondered why he should be subjected to the rule of some country bumpkins who go by the title of traditional chiefs. In his wisdom, one of them, the prince formerly known as Gatsha, has pointed out the advantages of traditional law.
”In terms of indigenous law, the owner of a garden aggrieved by the damage caused by a stray cow has the power of impounding that cow and bringing it to the traditional authority from where it will be released only when the owner of the cow has not only paid a fee to the traditional authority but has also paid for the damage caused to the garden.
”However, in terms of the Pound Act, a municipality can only impound a cow and release it once the owner has paid the fee to the pound. The municipality cannot force the owner of the cow to pay damages … This does not satisfy the owner of the garden, who may retaliate in violent forms.”
Okay, Lemmer gets it now.
Just not cricket
Oom Krisjan is repeatedly told, by those who claim to know, that cricket and its followers are somehow morally superior to other games and their fans. So it was with some amusement that Lemmer read in The Sunday Telegraph of an incident of a fan pulling a knife on another fan during a Test match. To make matters worse, this took place at the hallowed Lord’s ground, home of the Marylebone Cricket Club (MCC), and in the members’ stand, at that.
Apparently, police were called in when an unnamed 37-year-old MCC member threatened a 46-year-old fellow member with a knife during the first Test between England and the West Indies last month.
According to the paper, the reason for this display of decidedly ungentlemanly conduct was that the 46-year-old had been persistently playing noisy games on his cellphone for the entire morning’s play.
Speech is cheap
Oom Krisjan wonders about the calibre and quality of person the Democratic Whatever is hoping to attract as its speechwriter if the advert in the classified section of The Citizen (August 9) is anything to go by. A request for a scribe for Princess Tony is neatly sandwiched between recruitment ads for mine clearers and United Kingdom rave-club workers, and next to an ad for oil-rig workers. The manne’s eyebrows were really raised by the fact that the vast majority (more than 200) of the ads on the same page — dwarfing the DW’s dire need to keep both of Tony’s feet out of his mouth — are for a ”Busty BJ Queen”, a ”Sumptuous Delight Blond”, ”A Mature Erotic Lady!” and so on. Is the DW so short of funds that it can’t stump up for a display ad?
Ill-judged
He’s not yet advertising for a speechwriter, but Lemmer respectfully suggests that Oom Thabo seriously considers hiring someone with some talent along those lines. It might avoid the sort of stupendously pointless sound bite offered up to SAfm news as the prez congratulated South African women judges on the launch of the local chapter of the International Judges Association in Benoni on Monday.
”The fact that a chapter has been set up [is important because it] indicates that there are enough people to set up a chapter,” Mbeki intoned.
Ambushed
But our prez is far behind in the race for the daftest thing to be said this week by someone with the fate of millions in his hands. Bushbaby has been at it again. Aside from deciding to munch a raw mielie handed to him at a stop on the campaign trail (above) — much to the amazement of the farmer who presented it — the United States president finally admitted what Oom Krisjan has suspected for some time: the White House is doing everything it can to harm the US.
At the signing ceremony for a $417-billion defence spending Bill, George Dubya told an audience of military brass and Pentagon chiefs: ”They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.”
Rather alarmingly, Associated Press reported that there appeared to be no reaction from the audience. Not even a hastily suppressed giggle. Maybe they know something.
The Wales of Oz
Readers of the Daily Sun should write in to suggest a few geography lessons for the papers’ sub-editors. Admittedly, keeping up with Europe’s top football clubs as they tour various parts of the globe in pre-season can make the head spin. Over the past few weeks Manchester United have been on tour in the United States while Arsenal toured their European backyard. Last weekend, the two met in the traditional English season opener, the Community Shield. To Lemmer’s knowledge, the showpiece event takes place these days at the Millennium stadium in Wales. But Reuters told readers through the pages of the Daily Sun, not once but twice, that the event took place in Cardiff, Australia.
Readers wishing to alert Oom Krisjan to matters of national or lesser importance can do so at [email protected]