It’s hard to think of a more cataclysmic start to the season than Chelsea versus Manchester United at Stamford Bridge.
If Chelsea win on Sunday, everybody will be shouting about the way Roman Abramovich has bought the championship for £210-million.
If Manchester United win, everybody will call for the head of Jose Mourinho, Chelsea’s new Portuguese boss, who will be in charge, competitively, for the first time.
Ridiculous but true.
This is one game that might just set the trend for the season. And even if it doesn’t, we masters of the hyperbole will make you think Chelsea are on the brink of Premiership Paradise… or standing at the gates of hell itself.
Thing is, this game deserves all the hype it gets. Chelsea’s Russian owner has, indeed, spent the budget of a developing nation on transfer fees, redundancy terms and salaries since he took over at Chelsea a year ago.
Anything less than the title under Mourinho, who took Porto to astonishing Champions League success last winter, will be considered abject failure.
Under the now-departed Claudio Ranieri last year, they managed to finish second and get further than any other English club in the Champions League.
Now, with Ricardo Carvalho, Peter Cech, Didier Drogba, Paulo Ferreira and Mateja Kezman added to last season’s expensive collection of stars, how can they fail?
And what about all the players Mourinho has released? Every one of them would walk in to most Premiership first teams.
The lengthy list of cast-offs represents perhaps the greatest waste of money since Pinnochio’s nose job. A well-run club with astute accountants might have farmed them out for £50-million; instead great players have been allowed to leave for nothing, or go on loan for a season with Chelsea still paying most of their wages.
Carlton Cole, Hernan Crespo, Juan Veron and particularly Mikael Forssell are all largely on the Chelsea payroll while they bang them in for other clubs. Ridiculous.
That’s why the most neutrals will side, for once, with Manchester United on Sunday.
Sir Alex Ferguson’s men have never failed to bounce back and win the Premiership title, not since they won the inaugural competition in 1992.
This time they’re going to struggle, at least at the outset. With strikers Ruud van Nistelrooy (six weeks after a hernia operation), Louis Saha (three weeks, knee-ligament injury) and Ole Gunnar Solskjaer (cartilage, back next year if he’s lucky) all out, United are in serious trouble.
With Alan Smith bought from Leeds and Diego Forlan sporting a Bo Derek haircut, Sir Alex is apparently pleading for the Wayne Rooney deal to go through, and who can blame him?
His side weren’t up to much in the Community Shield against Arsenal last Sunday, and can you imagine if Chelsea win this one three or four nil? We’ll all go bonkers about Abramovich and his millions — especially as investigative teams have this week revealed he was actually jailed in the early 1990s as the Russians investigated his early oil exploits.
With Liverpool’s Michael Owen set to join Arsenal’s Patrick Vieira at Real Madrid and the FA hierarchy all resigning for various misdemeanours, it’s a hectic start to a long, long season.
This is how I think the first weekend’s games will go …
Villa vs Southampton
Aston Villa boss David O’Leary achieved miracles last season and he’s trying to build something special as he did when there was money at Leeds. His cheeky £6-million bid for Southampton’s James Beattie last week epitomises the gap between these once-equal sides.
Picking up Chelsea’s Carlton Cole on loan wasn’t a bad move either. Paul Sturrock is apparently struggling to come to terms with life as a Premiership boss after taking Plymouth to great heights in the lower echelons. Expect a comprehensive Villa win, Sturrock out, Glenn Hoddle back as a Saint.
Verdict: Villa 3 Southampton 0
Blackburn vs WBA
Great quotes from Graeme Souness last week about how he plans to keep things quiet and calm at Ewood Park this year. Last season he was banned for his touchline shenanigans and nearly broke Dwight Yorke’s leg in a five-a-side kickabout.
He’s signed Paul Dickov on the cheap from Leicester and Dominic Matteo free from Leeds (most Premiership teams received gifts from Leeds) while West Brom have picked up a bewildering crop of foreigners and has-beens like Nwankwo Kanu, Jonathan Greening, Darren Purse and Riccardo Scimeca. I reckon Souness will take the points but lose his temper.
Verdict: Blackburn 1 West Brom 0
Bolton vs Charlton
Both these clubs over-achieved last season. The reality is that, without bosses Sam Allardyce and Alan Curbishley — the best English managers around — these clubs are relegation fodder. Allardyce is the master of the cheap foreign signing or local free transfer.
After Jay-Jay Okocha last year, he’s gone for Tal Ben Haim (free), Michael Bridges (free), Les Ferdinand (free), Fernando Hierro (free), Radhi Jaidi (free) and, most promising of all, the ageless Leeds and Newcastle Welshman, Gary Speed (£750 000).
Curbishley has done even better, picking up Stephan Andersen (£721 000), Bryan Hughes (free), Francis Jeffers (£2,6-million), Talal el Karkouri (£1-million), Danny Murphy (£2,5-million) and the quick Danish wing, Dennis Rommedahl, for £2-million. But they’ve lost Paulo di Canio for free to Lazio. On that
basis alone, I’m going for Bolton.
Verdict: Bolton 2 Charlton 1
Man City vs Fulham
Huge contrast here between the two bosses and what they’ve achieved. Kevin Keegan has spent millions trying to create a rival to United in Manchester.
Last season he flirted with relegation and fell out with is best player, Nicolas Anelka. This season it looks like he might lose his second best player, Shaun Wright-Phillips.
Chris Coleman took over at Fulham when Mohammed Al Fayed withdraw large chunks of his fortune, but somehow he kept Jean Tigana’s expensively assembled foreigners in line and defied the doom-mongers (I thought Fulham would go down last year). I can see both ending up in mid-table this season. If they’re lucky.
Verdict: Manchester City 1 Fulham 1
Boro vs Newcastle
The northeast derby comes at a difficult time for Newcastle. There have been rumblings around the Toon about Sir Bobby Robson’s relationship with the great Geordie saviour, Alan Shearer. Both are apparently in their last season as manager and player. Shearer, some suspect, wants Robson’s job. Chaos prevails and several in the squad have conjunctivitis.
Middlesbrough’s Steve McClaren, rumoured to be in line to replace Sven-Goran Eriksson when he finally goes, has made some sensational summer signings: Mark Viduka from Leeds, Jimmy-Floyd Hasselbaink from Chelsea, Michael Reiziger, the Dutch full-back from Barcelona and Ray Parlour free from Arsenal.
Newcastle have Patrick Kluivert from Barca, Nicky Butt from Manchester United and, just last week, Stephen Carr from Spurs. Both sides have good reinforcements, but I’m worried about morale at St James’s Park.
Verdict: Boro 2 Newcastle 0
Norwich vs Palace
The big question. Do you recognise any of these names? Emmerson Boyce (free), Mark Hudson (undisclosed), Gabor Kiraly (free), Joonas Kolkka (undisclosed), Julian Speroni (£500 000), Sandor Torghelle (undisclosed). No, they are not asylum seekers, nor failed European politicians. These dodgy half-dozen represent Crystal Palace manager Iain Dowie’s summer shopping bag.
Norwich, division one champions, should still have the edge over Palace, who came up through the play-offs. But neither will spend long in the Premiership.
Verdict: Norwich 1, Palace 0
Portsmouth vs Birmingham
As always, Harry Redknapp has spent the summer haggling with his Portsmouth chairperson, Milan Mandaric, over money. Steve Bruce has no such problems at Birmingham, where Mikael Forssell (loan), Jesper Gronkjaer (£2,2-million), Julian Gray (free), Emile Heskey (£6,25-million), Muzzy Izzet (free) and Mario Melchiot (free) have arrived to improve still further on last year’s success.
On Wednesday, Tottenham’s former England midfielder Darren Anderton signed for a year too. I’m backing the Brummies for a top-five finish.
Verdict: Portsmouth 0 Birmingham 2
Spurs vs Liverpool
All the Michael Owen stuff must be disruptive for Liverpool, not to mention those anti-foreigner Danny Murphy quotes when he left for Charlton on Tuesday. But they destroyed Graz AK 2-0 away in their opening Champions League qualifier, and Spurs have had a nightmare pre-season.
These two new foreign bosses, Frenchman Jacques Santini at Spurs and Spaniard Rafael Benitez at Liverpool, are going to have very different winters. I can see Spurs battling relegation and Liverpool breaking in to the top three.
Verdict: Spurs 1 Liverpool 1
Everton vs Arsenal
The Everton nightmare off-season, full of boardroom discontent and Wayne Rooney departure rumours, is unlikely to ease. David Moyes is a good boss but they slumped pretty close to the basement last season and there are few signs of recovery.
Arsenal, unbeaten champions, know the only way is down. With Patrick Vieira set to go to Spain and Sol Campbell injured, they haven’t spent anywhere near what their rivals are dishing out at the top. Thierry Henry and Jose Sebastian Reyes, with Dutch arrival Robin van Persie and Robert Pires out wide, will bang in the goals but they just don’t have the depth for a repeat of last season.
Verdict: Everton 1 Arsenal 1
Chelsea vs Man United
Not much left to be said about this one. The Chelsea selection debate could fill page after page … Cudicini or Cech? Terry, Carvalho or Gallas? Drogba, Mutu, Gudjohnssen, Kezmann or … we could go on and on.
Apparently Frankie Lampard is the only name definitely on the sheet. United will field much of the same with new man Alan Smith on his own up front. I just can’t see Chelsea failing, but if they do, we hacks will have a field day!
Verdict: Chelsea 2 Man United 0