Lemmer was relieved this week to hear from government spokesperson Joel Netshitenzhe that the Zimbabwean election was a ”credible reflection” of the will of its citizens: for a while back there he was worried it might have been rigged. But this credible reflection does suggest an incredible deflection on the part of the South ÂÂAfrican government. After all, if the conduct of both parties before this poll was ”much, much better than those in 2002 and 2000”, but we’re still langtand about declaring them free and fair, just what kind of a dog show was going on in 2002 and 2000?
Let them eat pigeons
Oom Krisjan hears that ÂÂZimbabwe’s independence celebrations will close with a visual extravaganza on Monday consisting of a soccer match and the release of 25 pigeons. Given the war veterans’ track record in wildlife conservation, he has to wonder whether those 25 birds were all they could muster. Or have the rest been eaten by Movement for Democratic Change supporters whose vote cost them food aid?
A new history of colonisation
Oom Krisjan has to admit his attention started wandering somewhere around the 400th ÂÂparagraph of the president’s online opstel, but he was suddenly wide awake when South Africa’s colonial past was inexplicably lengthened by ÂÂmillennia. Having cited April 6 1652 as that fateful day on which Dutch spaniel lookalike Jan van Riebeeck introduced effeminate clothing to Africa, Mbeki suddenly referred to the process of colonisation ”that began on 6 April 6”. Now, according to Lemmer’s almanac, 6AD was fairly busy, what with St John and the Virgin Mary visiting Ephesus together, 30% of Augustan Rome burning down, and the global ÂÂpopulation reaching 200-million; but he just can’t find anything about early iron-age Dutchmen wading ashore and founding a visdorpie.
What goes up …
There’s nothing like standing next to a 21-gun salute, but being under it is a whole other story. According to the Daily News, reporting on the death of a mourner at a Folweni grave- yard, ”the problem of firing shots [into the air] at cemeteries has created a terrible headache for police in the eThekwini area”. Not to mention a terrible head- ache for those who find them- selves under a hail of parabolic death.