This week eight contestants slug it out in the game of Survivor being played on a remote island of democracy somewhere in South Africa. They are Jacob Zooma, a politician not empowered by Sasol; Joe Soap, just an ordinary bloke who has been renamed Sipho Lifebouy by the New South African Names Committee; Jake Swart, a coach who proved his commitment to transformation in rugby by changing his surname; Brian van Blouen, a rugby boss of the blou-bul-in-a-china-shop variety; Marc Gordyn, yet another arts administrator who specialised in bringing down the curtain on the careers of artists; Thandi Ndlovu, an actress who won the previous game of Survivor by working as a waitron; S.O.B Miller, a veteran captain of industry; and a young entrepreneur, Justin Time, whose partner, Ms Nurse, voted herself off to London as she couldn’t survive on the rations approved for contestants by the local minister of health.
The last reward challenge was won by Zooma who beat the other contestants hands-down in the Arms’ Wrestling Corruption Challenge, and he was rewarded with the top position at the Moral Regeneration Campaign.
Zooma’s looking confident and has won immunity in the past because of a few political connections. He says that if he does get voted out, he’ll probably leave the island in a corvette, and seek asylum in Zimbabwe.
Gordyn came a close second in the Corruption Challenge, but despite losing, he rewarded himself anyway. He was fast becoming a great liability to Team Democracy and so was voted off by everyone, but Gordyn has applied to the courts for immunity and his chances in the game of Survivor are now entangled in the grinding wheels of justice delayed (for everyone else).
Van Blouen looked like he was on his way out after appearing to bully fellow contestants just one time too many, but he survives another week after wielding his scum against the opposition scum.
Swart was quota’d as saying that he prefers to concentrate on matters on the field, particularly now that the immunity that he won with last year’s Tri-Nations title is once more up for grabs.
Miller won a few of his challenges to freedom of expression but lost the most important one, and he was rewarded with a T-shirt saying “One man’s brand is another man’s bread”. After the last challenge, Justin Time is nursing one huge financial headache, and is considering whether to laugh it off, or to play the game of Survivor a bit more seriously.
Lifebouy is leading this week’s Grand Prix Protest Challenge. With his wet-weather Michelin tyres and his matches, he is liberating his community’s silence about Mr Delivery speeding by in his limo towards another dinner to celebrate 10 years of democracy, more than a year later. Lifebouy’s community has smuggled a message of support to him saying “may the third force be with you!” particularly as some of the other contestants were keen to vote him out for not playing by the(ir) rules.
Ndlovu won the challenge for attending the most imbizos without these making any difference to her life as an actress. This gave her immunity against any future promises and any expectations that these might engender.
Till now, Zooma, Miller, Gordyn and Van Blouen have formed a loose alliance against the younger contestants. But cracks have begun to emerge, particularly since some of them have started to lose their challenges to democracy, transparency, accountability and freedom of expression.
Ndlovu, Time, Lifebouy and Swart know the stakes are quite high, but claim that they’re playing the game for different reasons. They say that they would also like to get the million bucks, the positions, the power and the free beer that Miller, Van Blouen, Gordyn and Zooma are playing for, but at the moment, they’re playing just to survive, and to make the island of democracy just a little bit bigger.