Congrats

The recent revelations about obese feline salaries at Unisa got the manne casting their minds back to October last year, when the Mail & Guardian reported that the cash-flush (or is that flush-cash?) university had appointed deposed Haitian ”leader” Jean-Bertrand Aristide and his wife Mildred as honorary research fellows. Now the regulars at the Dorsbult Bar are wondering if Jan-Berty and Milly are still on the lamb in this country, and if they are, if they too have been benefiting from some of the manna that’s being flung around the grubby corridors of the university …

Get behind me, Amor!

Amor Vittone-van der Westhuizen has told Beeld that what hurts her most about her recent brush with Loslyf magazine is not that it purports to reveal in glorious colour the assets her mamma gave her, but rather the evil tone of the article. ”For me it’s not so much about the photo, but about the disgusting satanist style of writing.” Jislaaik, so that’s what they’re doing these days down under the Van Staden’s River bridge: sacrificing cats and copy-editing on their iMacs.

Back to the future

And speaking of rapidly fading stars with persecution complexes, Lemmer was interested to see that the Friends of Jacob Zuma, those altruistic defenders of democracy who have set up a trust for the friend of the working (business)man, have an interesting perspective on their idol’s current job description. On their website (friendsofjz.co.za) they proudly list his ”Current Positions”, at the top of which is ”Deputy President of the Republic of South Africa since 17 June 1999”; and thus having established themselves firmly rooted in a parallel universe, they add contextualising parentheses which explain that Jay Zee is ”Now Former President”. Lemmer assumes this refers to his position as Former President of the JZ Fan club, a position he briefly filled before he was prompted to full-blown Messiah.

Congrats

Oom Krisjan and all the manne down at the Dorsbult would like to congratulate the Visdorp’s First Lady, Her Worship the Executive Mayor Alderman Nomaindia Mfekto, on her double coup; firstly for assuming the most grandiose title in living memory, and secondly for managing to scrape together enough to switch on the festive Christmas lights in Adderley Street. Seeing those dusty orange and lime-green reindeer flickering away must have made all the power-saving blackouts worthwhile …