The African National Congress Youth League says it is ”disgusted at the lies perpetuated by SABC radio” after a report aired claiming that ANCYL president Fikile ”Zuma 100% With An Option For 56% Depending On How The Trials Go” Beebopaloola has been barred from speaking at the South African Students Congress conference in Limpopo at the weekend. Branding it a ”white lie” (a curious choice of words that hasn’t reassured the paler patrons of the Dorsbult Bar), the young lions reassured the masses that Fikile had merely attended the opening, implying that had he wished to speak, he would have been carried shoulder-high to the podium to deliver yet another blow to the capitalist running dogs who choose Mercedes over BMW. And just to make sure that nobody blew anything out of proportion, they insisted that the alleged snub was ”a lie which does not warrant attention”. Well, except for a 311-word press release.
Why so glum?
The manne are delighted for Nokuthula Sithole, who was crowned Miss South Africa last Saturday evening. But they are not alone. This week the ANC sent official congratulations to Nokuthula (presumably along with a T-shirt reading ”Nokuthula 100%”), but despite claiming that it understood the social importance of beauty pageants, the statement left the manne doubtful. ”The ANC understands the pageant … to be beyond just glummer and glitter,” it read, causing Lemmer to wonder whether the glumness was a typo or a Freudian slip by a socialist liberation movement founded on abolishing beauty pageants. Certainly it seemed to be the latter when it urged the runners-up to ”sign a people’s contract to together join hands to push back the frontiers of poverty”. Ag shame, and all they wanted to do was open shopping malls and kiss babies.
Minority report
Having recently scored 0 out of 22 000 in its panty report card, the Deeyay has now given Health Mystic Manto Tshabalala-Msimang a score of 0 out of 10 in its political report card. Fair enough, but what mark does that leave in reserve for next year? Perhaps the idea is that she couldn’t possibly do worse. Lemmer isn’t so sure.
First lady found!
The manne were just starting to wonder if Zanele Mbeki had been a figment of their imaginations when she popped up on the radar again this week. Now they understand why she’s the most anonymous first lady in the world: coming out of hiding to lambaste your husband’s government — in this case its neglect of the country’s poor — can’t be the best way to stay in the spotlight. Well said, though, Madam.