My early life is an experience from which I draw strength and inspiration. When I look at young people I think of opportunities that passed me by, not because I was not capable. It was through my low self-esteem and lack of confidence, encouraged by my teachers, who fed me on a daily diet of scorn and ridicule. I almost believed them when they told me that I was hopeless.
My aggressive love of reading systematically improved my personality, especially at school, and I became a better person. When I started experimenting with poetry writing, for the first time I found a purpose for living. Playing sport also enhanced my character because I became a household name in boxing. Writing has opened the world for me and it teaches me volumes. When I started writing I had no idea that one day I would get published. Writing to me was just a platform for self-expression.
When the state security police confiscated my first manuscript they killed something inside of me because they took away the only thing that made my life meaningful. That is why I could not write for the next 13 years after that loss. When I started writing again in 1989, I found a joy that I had not experienced before. I made a vow that I would never censor myself again, and I have stuck to my promise.
Experience has taught me how painful it feels to be unable to express yourself and tell the world how you feel or who you are. Every time I am engaged in workshops with young people I listen to their anguish. I listen to their cry for love because the majority of them are raised by single mothers. They are crying out to be heard; unfortunately, the world will never hear them because they have no voice. They do not have any language so that they can tell their stories. They cannot write in English nor in their vernacular.
Neglect of literature at school is robbing them of a culture of reading and writing. This culture has disappeared from the classroom and unless something is done to restore it, there is going to be a dearth of publishable manuscripts in this country for generations to come.
Writing has taught me that it is not about the number of words that you know. It is not about the quality of words you use. It is about the choice of words that you use and how you use them to tell your story. I have learnt that unless you have a passion for words you will throw in words carelessly, trying to build a story and then kill the story in the process.
I have discovered that unless reading is a hobby to you, you cannot be a writer. That is why I’m devoting my time to encouraging young people to read. I know how it feels when you see your work and name in a book. Out there there is a writer who does not know that he is a writer, or who needs guidance to develop his or her talent. I want to help that person so that he does not go through the pain that I had to endure.
Mzi Mahola’s published collections are Strange Things (Snailpress) and When Rains Come (Carapace Poets). He will launch and read from his new book, Dancing in the Rain, at Wordfest in Grahamstown at 3pm on July 3