In all the excitement and panic of preparing for the 2010 World Cup, Lemmer hopes a little paragraph in Fifa’s 2004 report doesn’t go unnoticed by South Africa’s transport engineers. According to the report that helped sway the voting, the country’s ”urban train network (subway and over ground) is also well frequented and popular in some cities”. Subways? Right, manne, start digging. And smile — we need to make them popular…
All quiet on the northern front
Last Wednesday Zimbabwean police arrested 220 people for flagrantly marching to demand a new constitution. Given that this little retro nod to Magnus Malan and Adrian Vlok passed without a whisper in state-run media circles, do we take it that quiet diplomacy has now become comatose diplomacy?
0800-BIGOT
The racist ring-tone doing the rounds has given the Oom an idea of his own: a ring-tone called ”I’m a laager-bound meathead lumpen profiteer who hates blacks but is too stupid to know it, yeah!” To download this jaunty little accordion-and-banjo number, log on to www.1994neverhappened.vrystaat, and click on the link called ”Natural selection works way too slowly”.
Stick ’em up
This week Standard Bank announced that it was introducing the first hands-free, speech-enabled banking system in the country. The manne were incensed by the lie. After all, it was Ouboet Andre Stander who first perfected hands-free speech-enabled banking in South Africa, and that was 30 years ago. Put it all in the bag, nice and quiet …
Au revoir
Simon ”Firecracker” Grindrod, leader of the Independent Democrats in the Visdorp, has offered to buy a one-way air ticket for Neil Watson, the founder of the inarticulate-with-rage crime website currently giving tourism officials sleepless nights. Lemmer and the manne have passed a hat around, and would like to upgrade Mr Watson’s ticket: one-way, to any destination, first class, non-refundable. On Aeroflot.
Huh?
Lemmer knows the job of an international sports coach can be difficult, but when Jake White says that some of his humiliated Bokkies have ”probably never had to put in a day’s work in their lives”, he can’t help wondering, in light of that 0-49 scoreline, if the pot isn’t having a bit of a go at the kettle.