The transnational family, nourished by email, chatrooms, long-distance calls and SMSs has increasingly become a feature of migrant communities. In this virtual family the husband might be living and working in South Africa, his wife slaving away as a nurse in England and their children at school in Zimbabwe, their country of origin.
Sally Peberdy, a researcher at the Southern African Migration Project, said this is common for mineworkers. They leave their rural homes in the Eastern Cape, KwaZulu-Natal and other provinces to work on the gold mines, where they live in single sex hostels.
Commenting on the transnational family unit, Peberdy said it is a practical application of the saying ”do not put your eggs in one basket”. Migrant families use this as a way of finding out which place is the most hospitable before taking the plunge.
One of the reasons migrants leave their spouses behind is because they have property they have to entrust to a safe pair of hands. Peberdy said another reason migrants don’t bring their spouses along is because they don’t intend to settle in the countries they have emigrated to.
That doesn’t mean they don’t get into relationships. Research shows that migrants have affairs for reasons other than sex. ”It’s nice to come home to someone who asks, ‘How was your day at work?”’
Ingrid Palmary, a researcher at Wits University’s forced migration studies programme, said ”families living apart isn’t a new or unusual phenomenon” as ”the system of migrant labour in South Africa kept spouses apart, sometimes in different countries and sometimes within South Africa, for extended periods”.
Palmary said that ”since 1994 there has been increased crossborder movement into and out of South Africa”. She said that ”where migration is a result of a better job opportunity, for example, we might see more ‘chain migration’, where the migrant worker moves first and the family follows after a period of time. This ”will affect whether and how often people return to their country of origin”.
Elliot Faku
When the Mail & Guardian phoned Elliot Faku, he was about to fly to the United Kingdom to be with his wife, who lives in London. A teacher in Johannesburg, Faku has been married for more than three decades and his youngest child (17) is at St Anderson, a high school in Gweru, in the midlands of Zimbabwe.
”When my son is not at school he alternates living with his older brothers, who live in Harare and Gweru.” He has not seen his wife since last year. ”We phone, SMS each other almost daily,” he said.
He initially found living away from his wife ”disorienting” and admitted that he missed her. ”We are Christians and we get help from God,” he said. Another factor that has made living separate lives easier is the fact that their blood has somewhat cooled. ”At our age, almost 60, sex isn’t as important as it was when we were younger. ”If it were someone younger, I assume they would have serious problems,” he said. ”I wouldn’t advise younger couples to do the same. They should stay together.”
Senayon Olaoluwa
Olaoluwa is a Nigerian who came to South Africa in May 2005 and has not seen his wife and son since then. ”I meant to go home this December but I can’t because I have deadlines I have to meet.”
He said living away from his family is unbearable. ”My little boy was only three months old when I left, now he is turning three. His mother says he tells his friends: ‘My dad lives in South Africa.’ I can’t experience the intimate touch of fatherhood. But I have to sacrifice that so I get an education that will help my family financially.”
A PhD student at Wits University, Olaoluwa quipped that when he gets home next year he may have to write a proposal to his son explaining why and how he is his father. While it may be potentially damaging for his son, Olaoluwa said it has been worse for his wife. ”She is young. It’s natural to be tempted. But I know she has been restraining herself.” It’s not easy for him either, but he manages. ”Your attitude towards your family determines how you act. I have to be honourable and be faithful.”
Afak Chiutila
Recently married, Chiutila works as a stock controller in Pietermaritzburg. He is married to Tendayi, who he has known since 2003. The Zimbabwean said it is not easy because ”a man needs his partner by his side”. Apart from the emotional stresses separation causes him, he said it is expensive as it means sustaining two households: his and his wife’s.
He admitted that managing a relationship from afar is difficult. ”It’s difficult to abstain, but I manage.” He communicates with his wife, who lives next door to his parents, by phone.
Ishmael Mushongozi*
Asked how he copes living apart from his wife, the Zimbabwean said he doesn’t. ”I can’t say I manage. It’s expensive. It’s emotionally draining,” said Mushongozi, who has two girlfriends in Johannesburg. ”My wife could be unfaithful. She is human, like me, you know. What do you expect her to do?” Mushongozi said women are generally more faithful than their spouses, adding that migration puts families at risk of HIV/Aids.
*Not his real name