Dale Steyn discovered this week what Jacob Zuma did last year — that whatever trade you may ply, from politics to pickles, it can feel more satisfying to be accused and acquitted of a serious crime than never to be suspected at all.
Evidence was irrefutable that both had a case to answer, but in the case of Steyn it was considerably more clear-cut. He took Myprodol tablets to treat chronic migraines during the Indian Premier League (IPL), whereas in the case of the president — anyway, neither act, it seems, was against any law.
Myprodol is not even a banned substance, but the codeine content in it can appear in a urine sample as morphine if taken in sufficient quantities, which will interest the testers and require an explanation.
Steyn’s actions in taking the painkiller do not even count as a misdemeanour, but they have served as a timely reminder that cricket really is making an effort to move away from its amateurish past and catch up with other sports.
Drug testing is for real — although the Indian national players have refused to be dictated to by the World Anti-Doping Agency’s (Wada) ”whereabouts” clause, which affects athletes, swimmers, cyclists and others around the world. They play so much cricket during the year that they could probably be tested on at least 330 out of 365 days a year anyway.
Other sportsmen and women wishing to make use of performance-enhancing steroids and drugs must ”disappear” for a few months until the poisons are cleared from the body, and it was for those athletes that Wada created the ”whereabouts” clause, which demands one guaranteed venue, for one hour of a person’s life — 365 days a year. Clearly this is excessive for professional cricketers, but there is little, if any, sympathy from other sports where just two ”missed” times mean an automatic two-year ban.
Apart from playing nearly all year round and being available for testing, high-profile Indian cricketers such as Sachin Tendulkar and MS Dhoni — who are regularly the target of threats from alleged or perceived terrorists — claim that providing information on their whereabouts on rare non-match days, when security is more relaxed, represents a genuine risk to life and limb. And they have a point.
The other happy consequence of Steyn’s communication with the IPL was that it distracted significant attention away from the rotten dispute between Cricket South Africa (CSA) and the Gauteng Cricket Board (GCB), which was, officially at least, brought to a close by mediators on Wednesday with the announcement that England will, after all, play a Test match, an ODI and a Pro20 match at the Wanderers during their tour.
All good news, then? One big happy family once again. Not quite.
A four-page statement issued to the media contained 14 points on which ”agreement” had been reached between the two parties. The first 12 of those agreements all concerned transformation, both on and off field, at the GCB, which is peculiar because transformation was never a part of the original dispute — that was based on the GCB’s tactless and inflammatory questioning of CSA’s admittedly rushed and less than perfect hosting of the IPL.
The subject is dealt with in point 13 but is so vague as to be largely meaningless. In other words, the GCB’s demand to see the contract that CSA signed with the IPL, and which sold all the GCB’s rights to their own stadium without their knowledge — let alone their permission — has yet to be dealt with. With luck, the sports minister and the mediators aren’t expecting CSA and the GCB to complete that process by themselves. Not without paramedics on standby, anyway.
It is, of course, excellent news that the Wanderers will be hosting internationals this summer. But when the dust settles, the whole franchise — particularly those at the very top — would be well advised to do a calm, honest review of their administration style and attitude to the game’s governing body and the other franchises.
They have fewer friends than they should, have lost too many talented players to other franchises and, most tellingly, and very unlike Zuma, have an embarrassingly empty trophy cabinet.
As for CSA, they can take some crumbs of comfort from the words of their president, Mtutuzeli Nyoka, who admitted that the dispute had ”gone way too far” and apologised to the nation’s cricket lovers. Finally, after weeks of opportunity, someone swallows their pride, packs their ego away and takes a tentative step back towards serving the game rather than themselves.
Thank you, sir. Welcome back.