Listening to people choose baby names is a bit like listening to estate agents describe houses. “I want something classic yet modern, with a hint of whimsy and a dash of fun.” The choices are both important. No one wants to live without enough cupboard space or Dweezil for a first name. And, like houses, some people inherit them from their grandparents (sorry Cuthbert).
But, increasingly, an unusual name can be an asset. Just look at Saoirse Ronan — a rising young star in Hollywood with a beautiful but intimidating first name. Just two decades ago it would have had to be changed to Sheri or Carla to ensure film buffs could pronounce it (and therefore rave confidently about her performances in films like Atonement and The Lovely Bones).
Now we just pop on to Google and start typing “s…a…o…i…” Bam! Google has already suggested not only “Saoirse Ronan” but also “saoirse ronan pronunciation”. In fact the first time I searched for her I typed “Soirise Ronan” but the clever dudes at Google were there to help with a friendly “Did you mean saoirse ronan, you silly sausage?”
So, in less than five seconds I already know it’s pronounced “SEER-shuh”, that it’s Irish and that she is a 16-year-old New Yorker. And if I wasn’t sure I had the right Saoirse (you know how that can happen), there are half-a-dozen pictures of the bonny lass handily sprinkled on top of the search results.
Now let’s imagine for a second she was renamed Carla Ronan. A search on that name produces over half-a-million results on women scattered across the globe — whereas a search on Saoirse Ronan produces nearly that number, and 99% of them are about this young actress.
Sure, it wouldn’t have been like that four years ago before her film career had kicked off. But literally the week that she first started getting written about online she would have been on the first page of Google (and Bing, and Yahoo!). And if you think casting agents don’t use Google, you’re dreaming.
A revival of all kinds of beautiful old names
I sincerely doubt Saoirse’s parents were thinking of search engine optimising their little girl back in 1994; the web was still a baby itself. But this may just become a trend in the next few decades: “Google-proofing” your offspring with an unusual first name.
Optimistically this might result in the revival of all kinds of beautiful old names, as well as a good reason to stick to names in your mother tongue (just ask Khaya Dlanga how well that works). But more realistically we’re going to be seeing a lot more Crystal_564s and Tom1654s inflicted on unsuspecting infants.
On the plus side they’ll probably always get the email address they want, though email providers will have to improve their auto-suggest features. “I’m sorry Mary#[email protected] is already taken would you like … … … circuits … overloading …”
Of course there’s always the other way to Google-proof your bundle of joy: pick a name so common that no peeping internet Tom (or Tina) will ever be able to sniff them out. That said, even a William Smith can become famous enough to dominate the search rankings — particularly if he starts out as a Fresh Prince.
“Oh, great,” all the expectant mamas out there are thinking, “another thing to worry about when picking names.” Don’t stress — how your baby ranks in Google in 20 years is ultimately up to them. Just pick something you like. You know, something classic yet modern, with a hint of whimsy and a dash of fun.