Krisjan Lemmer
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/ 11 November 2005

Hellishly witty

Bon vivant and raconteur Robert Mugabe has dazzled his fans once again. The famous revolutionary and drama queen has always had a way with words, but it took something just a little bit special on Tuesday to rhyme ”Dell” (the surname of the American ambassador in Zimbabwe) with ”hell”. Of course, some of the lustre was dulled by Mugabe’s admission that he has the spelling ability of a seven-year-old.

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/ 20 January 2005

No prior(ities) convictions

From Senzeleni Nxumalo — a prison warder who has been fired for participating in a Police and Prisons Civil Rights Union protest deemed unlawful — and Mark Thatcher’s wonga to a new broadcasting venture between Zimbabwe and Iran, Krisjan Lemmer talks the talk.

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/ 19 August 2004

The god of small minds

Daaronder in piesangland, Michael Sutcliffe, the king of Durban, is at it again. In his City Manager’s newsletter last week, Sutcliffe accused Durban’s Daily News editor Dennis Pather and senior reporter Veven Bissetty of ”pursuing a campaign to discredit the municipality”. Not only that, but he hinted they were in league with the devil, ag, the Democratic Whatever.

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/ 5 March 2004

Tony shows his true colours

Swart- en rooigevaar tactics have taken a new twist with the red and black posters strung up by the Democratic Whatever on lamp-posts throughout Mitchells Plain on the Cape Flats. ”The NNP is with the ANC” is the DW’s message specifically for residents of one of the largest coloured communities in the Western Cape

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/ 15 January 2004

War of the words

In October 1938, the day before Halloween, in fact, Orson Welles made his legendary ”War of the Worlds” radio broadcast. Well, the manne are feeling a bit like members of the Mercury Theatre at the moment, with Oom Robert Kirby as ons eie Orson Welles. And it’s all because of our last edition of 2003.

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/ 27 April 2003

Compensating for something

There’s not many in the Dorsbult that call a spade a gardening implement, but the changing nature of language is a topic often discussed over a couple of dops. What got the Klippies flowing this week was an article in The New York Times –one bound to warm the shallows of Manto’s heart.

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/ 18 April 2003

Braking the law

Visdorpie police officers were out on a public awareness campaign in town last week, handing pamphlets to motorists at intersections. The pamphlet, entitled Avoid Becoming the Criminal’s Next Victim, was compiled by Cape Town Central Communication Services and distributed by ”a dedicated (plain clothes) police officer”. Some of the bits of the article stood out …

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/ 12 April 2003

Floored by phones

All this floor-crossing has the manne at the Dorsbult quite confused. In fact we spent so much time redrawing our colour-coded diagram of the National Assembly that Oom Krisjan had no time to remark on the movements last week.

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/ 5 April 2003

Reporting from Mbaghdad

There’s one day of the year on which you should always look at the news media a little skeef, so to speak, and that’s on April 1. All the silly stories that journalists have lurking in their twisted little minds appear on the front pages – and this often gets people who haven’t checked their calendars in a bit of a tizz…

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/ 28 March 2003

Dead Parrot

Klipdrift and Monty Python fuelled one of Lemmer’s rooinek chommies in his creative tribute to this week’s dizzy political shenanigans. Disgruntled Voter (DV) walks into a New National Party office in the evening on polling day, 2004. An NNP worker (NNPW) is at the front desk, looking distraught…