MELINDA FERGUSON interviewed four teenagers, three of whom share their experiences of drug addiction, and all who share their attitudes to drugs, life and the future
Tupak (16)
A pupil at a technical college in Johannesburg, Tupak is a cool-looking dude who is ”addicted to everything”. He has dreadlocks and slouches around in somewhat dirty baggy trousers. His bloodshot eyes are hidden behind a pair of nifty sunglasses.
This is his story:
I lost three friends last year to drugs. One of them died of an overdose of pinks (Welconal), the other two committed suicide. They were smack (heroin) addicts. It just got too much. When you’re young you don’t know how to cope with things, like pressure and school work. The one guy’s girlfriend bust up with him and that night he just went to his dealer and bought a whole lot of pinks (Welconal) and OD’d. I miss him, he was cool, a friend. I got very depressed when he didn’t show up for class. The teacher told us that he’d killed himself and no one said anything. There was just this silence. His desk just sat there, empty like, just reminding me that he was dead. One day he was there, the next gone, just like that.
I’ve tried all these drugs; I started smoking zol when I was nine. My dad and all his friends do a lot of drugs; there has always been plenty of weed and mandrax in my house. I just think I know how to control myself better than others do. I scheme one just has to know one’s limits. As long as you don’t use needles, like my buddies did.
Most of the people I know at my school are using drugs. What else is there to do? No one gives a shit. My dad does it; my brothers, cousins, and everyone is doing it. Let’s just say that is what is normal in society today.
Alcohol is the same thing; everyone is drinking, partying. Actually I think alcohol is much worse, people get a lot more aggro from drinking.
Rehabs don’t work; everyone just comes out and uses even more than they did before they went in. They just chow your money.
This whole country is messed up, the government is corrupt. I mean, if our role models are so flawed, what do you expect the youth to be? There is no real future for us; we might as well enjoy ourselves while we are young.
I’ve tried most drugs: dagga, cocaine, heroin, ecstasy, acid, ketomine, crack. But the ones I’ll steer clear of are pinks, and heroin, because of what happened to my friends.
I mainly just stick to dagga and buttons, I don’t think those drugs can kill you. You just have to know your limits. I take pills (E) on the weekends but not like some of the guys I know who take them every day.
Marianne X (17)
A pupil at a Johannesburg Northern suburbs high school is an acid and Ecstasy addict. Marianne X looks like an average, pretty, blue-eyed, blonde-haired teenager. But after spending a few hours with her, it is clear she has experienced a lot of pain and seems very dazed and confused.
This is her story.
I started taking acid everyday of my life in standard 7 — it controlled me completely. I’d even take it during school, in class. It first got offered to me in standard 6, when I was 13. I was a very weak person then, I couldn’t say no. I loved the feeling it gave me, the excitement, the way it took me away from reality. So I just carried on tripping. After a while it started to affect me really negatively. I was a very confident person once; I cared about what I looked like. Soon I didn’t give a shit, I really let myself go. It affected all my relationships, especially with my family. I just wanted to be alone all the time, sit in my room. I became rebellious — I was depressed, unhappy and very afraid of what I’d become.
My schoolwork went down, I lost all pride in myself. I used to model but I stopped, I also stopped doing sport. I got so deep into it, I couldn’t get myself out of it. One night I went to Rosebank, to a club, by myself. I dropped a cap and I really messed up. I didn’t know who I was, where I was, I was very alone. I felt like I was in a glass box, trapped from everyone. I felt like everyone was staring at me. I was completely blocked from the world. I felt like I was completely insane.
I had major stomach cramps, like glass was spinning and cutting my stomach up. Luckily a friend of my brother found me and took me home. I just cried and cried. I was bust and I had to own up.
My parents were pretty calm although my mother cried, but they spoke to me and confronted the issue. They took me for counseling. It helped a lot. I attended groups with other teenagers and my parents showed a lot of interest.
The drug problem in my school is very, very bad. Weed, cocaine, Ecstasy, crack, heroin, you name it kids are using it. It’s absolutely the norm. Some of the teachers even take drugs. One teacher I know uses coke, and another takes E and goes to raves. Some guy in my class got bust with R900 worth of hash on him at school. Nothing happened and he’s still doing his thing. The cops sometimes raid, but nothing ever happens.
There’s no control whatsoever. I’d say about 90% of the pupils are using drugs in one form or another.
The problem is that the youth don’t feel like there’s any future in the country. It’s just going downhill. There’s no hope, no opportunities for us. No one cares. It’s very sad. Most of the kids in my school come from wealthy homes but their parents don’t really care, they just love them with money.
These days I’m scared of taking acid, but I still take pills (Ecstasy) about twice a month. It’s almost completely impossible to be at my school and not take drugs.
Daniel B (19)
Addicted to alcohol, nicotine, marijuana, LSD, Ecstasy, cocaine and heroin. Daniel looks healthy, strong and good-looking in his black leather jacket. When he talks he has wisdom beyond his years. He has a wonderful glow in his eyes. He has been clean of all chemical substances for nine months.
This is his story of addiction and recovery:
I was 12 years old when I inhaled thinners. A couple of weeks later I got completely drunk. In standard 2 I had a group of friends who treated me badly. They made me feel like a subordinate. I was extremely insecure and I needed to break free. Alcohol gave me the freedom that I so badly craved.
I think I was born an addict. Whenever members of my family got together they’d all drink. It was like a religion. That was the norm when I was growing up. I was 14 when I smoked my first joint (marijuana). It was terrible; it really freaked me out. A week later I got stoned again. Soon I was smoking everyday. Dagga completely demotivated me. I rejected everything society stood for. I was completely alienated.
Then when I was 16 I used LSD for the first time. I absolutely loved it. It opened up the doors of perception. It showed me my unconscious mind, it gave me a feeling of omnipotence. I picked up E (Ecstasy) a month later. During this time, drugs still seemed like a jol. Ecstasy made me really feel loving and giving. It took all the negative feelings away in my world. It was pure positivity.
The music, the people, the partying were great. The rave scene had this mysterious feeling about it, a sense of unity, that all the people at raves ”were one”. We were all high, whatever we were doing was reinforced by the fact that we were all doing it together. Today it feels like the rave scene, the E culture, is the norm among young people. Ecstasy made me feel the emotion of love for the first time in my life.
There is a real feeling of hopelessness among young people today. There’s so much emphasis on being happy all the time, on unrealistic goals that none of us can attain, and on instant gratification. One misses the whole point that life is full of joy. We’re fed with a very bleak promise for the future, that there are no jobs, no hope. Our immune systems are down. When we can’t cope we just drown ourselves in alcohol and drugs.
So I just continued using drugs. At 17 I snorted cocaine for the first time. It was fun. It made me feel like I wanted to hear everyone’s story. Then my girlfriend broke up with me. I started using heroin to dull the pain. I’d met my real emotional painkiller. I loved it; I didn’t have to feel anything. I started spiking, using needles.
I overdosed on my 18th birthday. I spiked two speedballs in succession (a deadly cocktail of cocaine and heroin) in conjunction with a vast amount of alcohol I’d consumed; my body gave in, shut down. While I was lying dying, my friends were playing computer games in the room next door. I woke with my family around, me lying in a hospital bed. I was a half an hour from death. My family was completely freaked out. I swore I wouldn’t touch drugs again. A week later I was shooting up again. Within three months I started using crack big time.
From the age of 12 I’d been stealing money from my mother for drugs, now I started stealing large amounts and selling things like the TV and video machine. I’d gone past the point of no return. I asked my mother to send me to a rehabilitation clinic where I was introduced to a 12-step recovery programme. On coming out of the clinic I felt that I’d gone into recovery for the wrong reason, for my family and not for myself. I relapsed, but that was the last time I did any mood-altering substances and I’ve been clean for nine months.
My entire attitude to life has changed. It’s so nice having a clear head. I’ve regained trust from my family. I’m enthusiastic about life. I’m growing spiritually. I’m able to feel love in a real way. I’m not afraid of feelings anymore, whether they’re good or unpleasant. I have choices.
Today I feel like I have a purpose. Through a power greater than myself, I can give the gift of recovery. I’m no longer just taking and destroying myself and the people around me. I attend Narcotics Anonymous meetings regularly with other recovering addicts who have the same disease as me, the disease of addiction. I know I can’t do it alone.
Richard Evans (15)
Non-addict
I don’t do drugs; I’ve never tried any sort of drug because it just doesn’t appeal to me. You can have fun without drugs; they just ruin your life. I know a lot of people who use drugs, Ecstasy, trips, weed, cocaine. I notice that their behaviour changes a lot; one day they are really quiet, the next day they are completely hyper.They hang around in groups and are always in trouble with authority. Their marks are below average and they don’t seem to care.
I’d say that at least 60% of the kids in my school are using drugs, from standard 6 upwards.
I think people use drugs because of peer pressure, because they think it’s cool. They start off on soft drugs and then they turn to harder ones because they need a bigger rush. I suppose I’m lucky because I don’t have desire to use them. I want to make something of myself, be somebody, not just waste my life away.
— The Teacher/Mail & Guardian, June 5, 2000.
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